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Why I watch Microsoft

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#1 phawgg


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Posted 09 January 2005 - 01:57 PM

I like Microsoft.
If I bash them, it's only with my tongue in my cheek.

I'm sitting at my desk in the city where I live.
Reading the daily newspaper, enjoying a cup of coffee.
My thoughts drift away.

What if my desktop was 20 acres in the city?

I'd hear people tell me I should develop my property.
Population is on the rise. The world is becoming more complicated.
Why not build a Mall on that property?

The more I think about, the more I like the idea.
Espresso Bars.
Movie theaters.
Greeting Cards & Gift Shops.
Print Shops.
Photo Shops.
Art Galleries.
Music Centers.
A Bank.
A Library
A Lounge
Stores, stores, & more stores.
Seems a lot better than dirt, grass & rocks.
Everybody else is doing it. Thats how the city got built.

OK, I'm interested.
Next logical stop, the offices of the Mall Development Company.

They tell me the have a Plan for me.
Show me a powerful, point filled presentation.
This is the Future.
Hard ceilings, hard floors & even versatile floppy things.
A wonderful collection of walls, doors & of course Windows to display everything.
What more could I want?
Plan has it I can customize the decor to suit me & the other businesses, too.
Fast. Easy.
Escalators, automatic this n' that. Shortcuts. Organization.
I am assured that they really understand the community I live in.
The ways of the new world around me. Facts & demographics. Politics.

Man, I'm impressed. Where do I sign?

Contractors build it.
They all have the Plan in front of them when they design those walls & windows.
I can hardly wait.
Excited, I make plans for all the individual stores.

For months I work with all those people, thinking of the people who will use My Mall.
Proudly, I open the doors in a big grand opening celebration.
I wander through the amazing place with my silver circle in my breast pocket.
Knowing I can slip that disk in and it all fits together like a big, happy family.
The owner, I bought and paid for it, can stroll confidently and mingle with the other people.
Pleased that beautiful music fills the air, and each way I turn offers wide variety of selections.

Not long after that I'm sitting in the dynamic Library, studying books.
Dynamic Books.
Things are not exactly what I expected. I need some answers.
Next to the pile of books is a 27 page document I've just received from the Mall Development Co.
I guess it means it's all true.

Escalators inexplicably stop and reverse momentarily.
The background music is periodically interupted by distressing announcements.
Doors are automatically locking, never on Sunday though.
The theatre is experiencing difficulties showing movies.
My silver circle sometimes is rejected when I try to use it.
A large multi-national Peacekeeping force patrols constantly.
Parts of the parking lot have been done over to accomodate a perimeter wall.
Guard shacks and gates at every entrance.
The brick masons are upset that the wall they built doesn't conform to Plan.
It used to, they say.
A former Giant company representative waits for an appointment.
Several display windows have suddenly become a fraction of the normal size.
I need a roofing company to patch the roof over port 1439.
The messenger service has been stopped.
The bank insists on new dot framework security.
The emergency medical care facility is reporting an epidemic outbreak.
The right vaccine apparently isn't available.
The tow company is asking about a large wooden horse on wheels in the parking lot.
One of the browsing shoppers claims she has been hijacked.
I await a ransom note.
Unidentified persons in groups are busily combing the mall conducting surveys.
"It'll just take a minute, we're trying to establish buying trends & offering shoppers free buttons to wear."
They claim.

I guess the document's proposal, code-named Longhorn, must be considered now.
Makes me think that cattle used to eat the grass on this property.

A small-scale panic seems to be spreading through the main corridor at this moment.
Seems there was a worm sighting.
Worms used to crawl around among the rocks and dirt on this property.

The anti-virus Union is protesting favoritism and exclusive contractual-rights.
The window washers are working around the clock.
The clocks apparently need to be set atomically every other second for best performance.
Drivers of taxis are on strike awaiting an updated fleet.
Delivery drivers are saying the storage facility isn't. That it's an optical drive illusion instead.
My shortcut to the espresso bar is broken.

Was that in the EULA?

The lights momentarily flicker, and I'm alerted to the fact:
Control Panel is inaccessible.

I'm goin' walk across the street to the mini-mall over there.

I'm told there were similar problems, but they are all better now.
Happily I think things will get back to normal here at My Mall.

Looks like I need a refill, the coffee got cold.
I can do without the shortcut. I guess.
Blinkin' light tells me to go to the top of the building.
Yeah, thats right. Now I remember.
A smile replaces the about:blank facial expression I was wearing, thinking to myself...

That's why I watch Microsoft and follow directions carefully.

Edited by phawgg, 09 January 2005 - 10:10 PM.

patiently patrolling, plenty of persisant pests n' problems ...

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#2 Scarlett


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Posted 09 January 2005 - 02:10 PM

Bravo! :thumbsup:

You Sir are an absolutely brilliant writer. What a wonderful way with words you have.
Posted Image

#3 JEservices


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Posted 09 January 2005 - 02:14 PM

Wonderfully poetic in its aspirations and themes
Others will enjoy it, I know it will not only be me

One may wonder if you are referring to your computer or theirs
I am sure that it could be happening just about everywhere

If it is their computer or really a mall
One person's problem could affect us all
We are all curious like a cat. We wonder, we ask, we learn.
Please post back when a suggestion works, so that others may learn.

#4 cowsgonemadd3


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Posted 09 January 2005 - 03:07 PM

So you wrote that?

Very good!

#5 Pandy


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Posted 09 January 2005 - 03:17 PM

:) WOW!! phawgg.. that was wonderful. So witty and funny too. You really do have a way with words.. I laughed.. I cried. :thumbsup: :inlove: :cool: :trumpet: LOL phawgg I am gonna go read it again. HAHA!! :flowers:

Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.

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#6 phawgg


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Posted 09 January 2005 - 03:17 PM

I wrote that and will no doubt write more.
The grounds below My Mall are fertile. :thumbsup:
Lottsa worms.
I might get a bulldozer out on the site and
try organic gardening.
Customers can find mini-malls (or other computers) most anywhere.
I'm dang near broke. :flowers:

I'm late for the munchkin parade.
The Wizard button I'm using keeps saying stuff like:
Volgende> (next)
Annuleren (cancel)
Bezig met verwijderen (busy deleting or proceeding to delete)
Een ogenblik geduld... (wait a moment please)
patiently patrolling, plenty of persisant pests n' problems ...

#7 KoanYorel


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Posted 09 January 2005 - 06:55 PM

Out of the Phawgg there appears an illusion;

but is it of better things to come,

or a foreboding that it's never going to get any better...?

//Great piece!!!//
The only easy day was yesterday.

...some do, some don't; some will, some won't (WR)

#8 raw


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Posted 09 January 2005 - 08:08 PM

My mall was built by people in their spare time.
I did not have to give them money.
I got to see all the materials going into the building.
There have been no reported hijackings at my mall.
We have a tremendous safety record. Similiar malls have over 500 days without incident.
Some people say it's too hard to find their way around my mall.
I say thats what the information desk is for.
My maintenance staff works tirelessly 24/7 so customers hardly notice when we do have a problem.
By the way,the stores at my mall give their products away for free and continue to remain in business.
There are no keys to my mall,it is open to everyone.

Great post phawgg.....


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#9 Notorious


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Posted 09 January 2005 - 09:50 PM

I wrote that and will no doubt write more.

Man you're real talent.. :flowers: Thanx for a nice read.. :thumbsup:

Edited by Notorious, 09 January 2005 - 09:52 PM.

Posted Image

Down in the bayou, Bubba called an attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suin' the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?
"Sure is Bubba. But why you asking?"
"Cause what I want to know is, I was thinking, can I sue Budweiser for all them ugly women I've slept with?"

#10 gaelic123


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Posted 09 January 2005 - 11:57 PM


Great piece! It kind of reminded me of the Abbott and Costello "Who's on First?" for MS Office.



Edited by gaelic123, 09 January 2005 - 11:58 PM.

Dell XPS 933Mhz processor, 256 RAM, Windows98se, Linksys Cable/DSL Router,
Norton Internet Security Anti-Virus & Firewall, Adaware, Spybot Search & Destroy, Spywareblaster, Spyware Guard

#11 phawgg


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Posted 10 January 2005 - 12:24 AM

Thank you for that tidbit, mary
I'm reminded of how my Dad used to laugh when he heard
the original routine. He and my uncle would get goin' with
their own versions of classic communication breakdowns, too.
Never failed amuse us all.

COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows!"
ABBOT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
ABBOT: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words.

What can say?

I use http://www.openoffice.org/ exclusively now. :thumbsup:

BTW, musta been Raw's Mall across the street ...
patiently patrolling, plenty of persisant pests n' problems ...

#12 phawgg


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Posted 10 January 2005 - 11:44 PM

Six pages into the 27 page report.
Sitting in that dynamic link library again today.

Times like this rational thinking is called for.
I gave the ex-Giant an appointment.
My Genuine Id was immediately requested.
My new code secure, the free deal was struck.
Left thinking July 31st, 2005.
A deadline?
Details still on the desk top. 6.23MB.

Theatre & music stores teamed up and lawyers are busy.
Library offers music.
Some of it's in public domain.
Some of it's not.
Sharp lines aren't flatly drawn.
Classical continues to raise little protest.

Gifts & cards seem to do good business.
Controversy at the Art Gallery. Humans depicted.
Clothing store moved in next door.

Arcade so far unsuccessful at merging technology.
Letters & numbers attached in a flurry of fast action,
it's PoGo-WoW- Ps2-Xbo(x)FPS-ega...
Still sorting 'em out.
More system RAM & processor strength required.

Business as usual at the Bank.
Money for sale.
Low, low down payments.
Percentages & facts.
Passwords & signatures.

The browsing shopper hijack produced no ransom.
Free program solved it, it took a little while.

web zen meditation sure has helped,
Facing 32-64 question...
AMD Intel I vision pictured separately.

Beta use: at your own risk

I stuck my Library card back in my wallet as I walked out,
Dynamic books linked figuratively a weight I bear,
though considerably lighter than textbooks.
Seems to be hundreds of thousands of 'em.

Still thinking about them.
Governing silver circles & more.
Dull as they are, they seem very effective none the less.

Edited by phawgg, 11 January 2005 - 02:48 AM.

patiently patrolling, plenty of persisant pests n' problems ...

#13 phawgg


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Posted 12 January 2005 - 02:56 PM

a couple more pages...
I'm beginning to relax again.

It simply takes crossin' the tease
and com-ly dottin' the ayes.

Coverin' all the bases.

Man, those reports are thorough.
patiently patrolling, plenty of persisant pests n' problems ...

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