Jump to content


 


Register a free account to unlock additional features at BleepingComputer.com
Welcome to BleepingComputer, a free community where people like yourself come together to discuss and learn how to use their computers. Using the site is easy and fun. As a guest, you can browse and view the various discussions in the forums, but can not create a new topic or reply to an existing one unless you are logged in. Other benefits of registering an account are subscribing to topics and forums, creating a blog, and having no ads shown anywhere on the site.


Click here to Register a free account now! or read our Welcome Guide to learn how to use this site.

Photo

Long distance relationship ain't gonna work


  • Please log in to reply
15 replies to this topic

#1 crosssection

crosssection

  • Members
  • 46 posts
  • OFFLINE
  •  
  • Local time:03:44 AM

Posted 26 June 2018 - 10:02 PM

My boyfriend has accepted an offer in London. How can I say no if he's been waiting for it since last year? How can I say no if it is a dream come true for him? He asked me if it's okay with me. I said yes and that I am happy for him but deep inside I'm already dying. I don't know how would I live my life without him near me. He told me that I could go back home with family but I refused to because I have a contract to finish with my employer. I don't know how to begin and continue my life without him. I feel that long distance relationship won't work. :(



BC AdBot (Login to Remove)

 


#2 britechguy

britechguy

    Been there, done that, got the T-shirt


  • Moderator
  • 8,102 posts
  • OFFLINE
  •  
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Staunton, VA
  • Local time:04:44 AM

Posted 26 June 2018 - 11:05 PM

Only you can make the decisions for your life.

 

You are, however, showing very strong tendencies toward predetermining outcomes.  This tends to make them come true, as we take the steps to make those predetermined things occur.

 

Being open to trying the uncomfortable, and seeing where it takes you, is more difficult but is worth trying if you have a relationship you want to have any chance to preserve.  You certainly can't tell him no, he can't go, if you actually love him because that's cutting him off from his dreams (which generally results in bitterness and resentment and lots of "what ifs" if no replacement for those dreams materializes).

 

You can choose to try to continue your life without him, or embark on a long distance relationship that cannot remain long distance forever.  Either will be difficult.


Brian  AKA  Bri the Tech Guy (website in my user profile) - Windows 10 Home, 64-Bit, Version 1803, Build 17134 

      Memory is a crazy woman that hoards rags and throws away food.

                    ~ Austin O'Malley

 

 

 

              

 


#3 Condobloke

Condobloke

    Outback Aussie @ 54.2101 N, 0.2906 W


  • Members
  • 5,937 posts
  • ONLINE
  •  
  • Gender:Male
  • Local time:06:44 PM

Posted 26 June 2018 - 11:52 PM

The relationship can work.

 

Skype is your friend.

 

My long distance relationship culminated in marriage. (3 years now and going strong)

 

A relationship consists of two people + all their baggage, both emotional and material.

 

Dont let your "baggage" (neediness) be the death of this relationship

 

If you cant get your act together and toughen up.....then the relationship was doomed from the start.

 

Support the man....He will support you.....You will grow closer.


Condobloke ...Outback Australian  

 

fed up with Windows antics...??....LINUX IS THE ANSWER....I USE LINUX MINT 18.3  EXCLUSIVELY.

“A man travels the world in search of what he needs and returns home to find it."

It has been said that time heals all wounds. I don't agree. The wounds remain. Time - the mind, protecting its sanity - covers them with some scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it is never gone. Rose Kennedy


#4 britechguy

britechguy

    Been there, done that, got the T-shirt


  • Moderator
  • 8,102 posts
  • OFFLINE
  •  
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Staunton, VA
  • Local time:04:44 AM

Posted 27 June 2018 - 01:05 PM

The relationship can work.

 

. . .

 

My long distance relationship culminated in marriage. (3 years now and going strong)

 

 

And the same was/is true for me.  I went into a long-distance relationship in the fall of 2000 that lasted through the summer of 2002, and that culminated in my moving back whence I'd left for another job (and hated the job and the area) and having a relationship that I'm still in to this day.

 

Neither of us thought it would work, but both of us decided to give it a try to see if it might, anyway.   It would not have had I loved my job, or even where I was living, and decided to remain there and had I made that decision I would have formally ended the relationship.  I knew he was never going to move and if I had decided I wasn't, either, then the long-distance becomes perpetual, and that really doesn't work [at least for most people].


Brian  AKA  Bri the Tech Guy (website in my user profile) - Windows 10 Home, 64-Bit, Version 1803, Build 17134 

      Memory is a crazy woman that hoards rags and throws away food.

                    ~ Austin O'Malley

 

 

 

              

 


#5 Condobloke

Condobloke

    Outback Aussie @ 54.2101 N, 0.2906 W


  • Members
  • 5,937 posts
  • ONLINE
  •  
  • Gender:Male
  • Local time:06:44 PM

Posted 27 June 2018 - 10:20 PM

Come on crosssection, input please. I know we "old blokes" are giving you a hard time......a bit like having Dad on your case.....

 

Talk to us, mate.......at least you can use us a sounding board.

 

I do sympathize....I really do


Condobloke ...Outback Australian  

 

fed up with Windows antics...??....LINUX IS THE ANSWER....I USE LINUX MINT 18.3  EXCLUSIVELY.

“A man travels the world in search of what he needs and returns home to find it."

It has been said that time heals all wounds. I don't agree. The wounds remain. Time - the mind, protecting its sanity - covers them with some scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it is never gone. Rose Kennedy


#6 crosssection

crosssection
  • Topic Starter

  • Members
  • 46 posts
  • OFFLINE
  •  
  • Local time:03:44 AM

Posted 28 June 2018 - 04:38 PM

Only you can make the decisions for your life.

 

You are, however, showing very strong tendencies toward predetermining outcomes.  This tends to make them come true, as we take the steps to make those predetermined things occur.

 

Being open to trying the uncomfortable, and seeing where it takes you, is more difficult but is worth trying if you have a relationship you want to have any chance to preserve.  You certainly can't tell him no, he can't go, if you actually love him because that's cutting him off from his dreams (which generally results in bitterness and resentment and lots of "what ifs" if no replacement for those dreams materializes).

 

You can choose to try to continue your life without him, or embark on a long distance relationship that cannot remain long distance forever.  Either will be difficult.

 

Hi @britechguy! I appreciate your opinion. Yes, I just have two choices and I know either will be difficult. It's really breaking my heart. 



#7 crosssection

crosssection
  • Topic Starter

  • Members
  • 46 posts
  • OFFLINE
  •  
  • Local time:03:44 AM

Posted 28 June 2018 - 05:15 PM

The relationship can work.

 

Skype is your friend.

 

My long distance relationship culminated in marriage. (3 years now and going strong)

 

A relationship consists of two people + all their baggage, both emotional and material.

 

Dont let your "baggage" (neediness) be the death of this relationship

 

If you cant get your act together and toughen up.....then the relationship was doomed from the start.

 

Support the man....He will support you.....You will grow closer.

 

Thank you for your kind words and advice. It's hard to face the fact that he's leaving. It's so depressing and I admit that I have this negative thinking. But I'm trying my best to fight this that's why I'm again active with social media to interact with my friends. I also started reading articles and relevant stories to be able to find some ways on how to fight the negative thoughts and overcome the sadness. And of course, all your inputs here are very helpful. It helped lighten up my mind for the good possibilities. Thank you again.



#8 Chris Cosgrove

Chris Cosgrove

  • Moderator
  • 6,707 posts
  • OFFLINE
  •  
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Scotland
  • Local time:09:44 AM

Posted 28 June 2018 - 06:19 PM

The only thing I can add is that contracts don't last for ever, otherwise they are called slavery.

 

Let him go to London, keep communicating - by whatever methods you choose - and when your contract is up give London a try. You never know, you might like it! Also given the effort that the various airlines make to keep aircraft crossing the Atlantic umpteen times a day you could always go over for a holiday or he can come back to the States for one.

 

And Londons's an interesting city. I personally don't want to live there but I worked there for a spell and quite enjoyed it.

 

Chris Cosgrove



#9 Wildabeast

Wildabeast

    Bleeping Lurker...


  • Members
  • 1,259 posts
  • OFFLINE
  •  
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Nebraska, USA
  • Local time:03:44 AM

Posted 30 June 2018 - 05:54 AM

Think positive! After all, how long would you like to live in a city that outlawed knives? Pretty soon they'll be cutting steaks with sporks... It may not be the dream job he thought it was. :blink:


"The nine most feared words in the english language, 'I'm from the government, and I'm here to help'..."
Ronald Reagan

#10 crosssection

crosssection
  • Topic Starter

  • Members
  • 46 posts
  • OFFLINE
  •  
  • Local time:03:44 AM

Posted 02 July 2018 - 02:51 PM

The only thing I can add is that contracts don't last for ever, otherwise they are called slavery.

 

Let him go to London, keep communicating - by whatever methods you choose - and when your contract is up give London a try. You never know, you might like it! Also given the effort that the various airlines make to keep aircraft crossing the Atlantic umpteen times a day you could always go over for a holiday or he can come back to the States for one.

 

And Londons's an interesting city. I personally don't want to live there but I worked there for a spell and quite enjoyed it.

 

Chris Cosgrove

Hi Chris! Thank you. I would love to go to London too when he asks me to. You guys are keeping my faith alive.  :bananas:



#11 crosssection

crosssection
  • Topic Starter

  • Members
  • 46 posts
  • OFFLINE
  •  
  • Local time:03:44 AM

Posted 02 July 2018 - 02:52 PM

Think positive! After all, how long would you like to live in a city that outlawed knives? Pretty soon they'll be cutting steaks with sporks... It may not be the dream job he thought it was. :blink:

Haha! Yeah, I'm trying to be positive. Good thing you guys found time to share your thoughts here. Thank you!



#12 chushkin

chushkin

  • Members
  • 7 posts
  • OFFLINE
  •  
  • Local time:05:44 PM

Posted 03 July 2018 - 12:38 AM

It is hard but not impossible. It can work. Others have offered great advice already, goodluck (:



#13 Condobloke

Condobloke

    Outback Aussie @ 54.2101 N, 0.2906 W


  • Members
  • 5,937 posts
  • ONLINE
  •  
  • Gender:Male
  • Local time:06:44 PM

Posted 03 July 2018 - 01:04 AM

Does he belong to BC ?


Condobloke ...Outback Australian  

 

fed up with Windows antics...??....LINUX IS THE ANSWER....I USE LINUX MINT 18.3  EXCLUSIVELY.

“A man travels the world in search of what he needs and returns home to find it."

It has been said that time heals all wounds. I don't agree. The wounds remain. Time - the mind, protecting its sanity - covers them with some scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it is never gone. Rose Kennedy


#14 JohnWJ

JohnWJ

  • Members
  • 205 posts
  • OFFLINE
  •  
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:New Mexico
  • Local time:02:44 AM

Posted 13 July 2018 - 08:25 PM

Trust me they work I was I'm an Aussie and my now wife who live in the USA worked it out for 2 years before we got married. It's hard sometimes be so far apart but If I can make it work so can you


John

 

An Australian Living in the USA


#15 DareEviler

DareEviler

  • Members
  • 4 posts
  • OFFLINE
  •  
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:United Kingdom
  • Local time:02:14 PM

Posted 05 August 2018 - 08:51 AM

Its hard, very hard. But having a vision of when and what it will be like when y'all are together is what makes it worth it.






0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users