Hm. You sound as though you're having a whale of a time..!
Re: Chrome on Puppy. This is nothing to do with Puppy, or any other OS come to that. The problem is at Google's end. It's all down to the fact that Google no longer support 32-bit Chrome.....but, with the architecture of your hardware, that's what you're stuck with, I'm afraid.
I run Lucid myself, along with 8 or 9 other Pups. Two are 64-bitzers, the rest are 32's. My rig runs an Athlon64 X2 dual-core, which means I can run either. I also have an even older Dell laptop, running a Pentium 4 in Socket 478...it used to have a Celeron itself. The Dell is triple-booting three 32-bit Pups.
Chrome in every single one of them is showing the Google page as being insecure. I don't take any notice of it. It's Google being 'over-the-top', as always; they would prefer you to run the 64-bit version. In your case, it's impractical; not only would you need to use a 64-bit Pup, but you'd need to get another machine, a 64-bit one, to run it on..!
Chrome 56 is the current 'stable' version; the newest Chrome you can run on Lucid is, I'm afraid, version 26. You can't run anything newer than that, because the 'C' library, which your entire 'Pup' is built around, is just too old. And you can't 'update' the glibc, as it's referred to, without completely breaking your Pup beyond repair! Every single component of Lucid would need to be re-compiled.....which is a horrendously major operation, even for a developer.
I'm going to make a couple of recommendations, here. That Celeron is perfectly capable of running them.
1) 'Precise' Puppy 5.7.1 (this is based on binaries from Ubuntu 'Precise Pangolin' 12.04 LTS.)
2) 'Slacko' 5.7.0 (this is based on 'Slackware', which is one of the oldest Linux distros still in existence. It forms a very stable base for many Puppies.)
Downloads from here:-
If you get hold of these, I can guide you further from there.....if you're still interested, that is. Both of these are capable of running the very last 32-bit Linux Chrome build; 48.0.2564.116. It's still a very capable browser; I use it in all my 32-bit Pups.
Won't be till tomorrow, though; it's 2 am here in the UK, and I'm more than ready for bed.
Catch you later.
Distros:- Multiple 'Puppies'..... and Anti-X 16.1
My Puppy BLOG ~~~ My Puppy PACKAGES
Compaq Presario SR1916UK; Athlon64 X2 3800+, 3 GB RAM, WD 500GB Caviar 'Blue', 32GB Kingspec PATA SSD, 3 TB Seagate 'Expansion' external HDD, ATI Radeon Xpress 200 graphics, Dell 15.1" pNp monitor (1024 x 768), TP-Link PCI-e USB 3.0 card, Logitech c920 HD Pro webcam, self-powered 7-port USB 2.0 hub
Dell Inspiron 1100; 2.6 GHz 400FSB P4, 1.5 GB RAM, 64GB KingSpec IDE SSD, Intel 'Extreme' graphics, 1 TB Seagate 'Expansion' external HDD, M$ HD-3000 'Lifecam'.