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WAYS TO ANNOY PEOPLE


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10 replies to this topic

#1 NickAu

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Posted 07 January 2016 - 04:11 PM

-Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper, 99 copies.
-Specify that your drive through order is "to go".
-If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
-Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
-Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up".
-Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think".
-Practice making fax and modem noises.
-Highlight irrelevant information on scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
-Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
-Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
-Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
-Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
-Adjust the tint on your TV so all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
-Staple papers in the middle of the page.
-Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
-Honk and wave to strangers.
-Decline to be seated at a restaurant and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
-Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and re-route whole streets.
-Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now".
-Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No wait, I messed it up" and repeat.
-Ask people what gender they are.
-While making a presentation, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
-Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars and see if they slow down.
-Sing along at the opera.
-Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
-Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook.
-Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
-As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
-Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
-Name your dog "Dog".
-Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training".
-Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
-Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
-Tell 1-800 operators they sound gay and ask for a date.
-Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
-Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
-Order a side of pork rinds with your fillet mignon.
-Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
-Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
-Repeat everything someone says as a question.
-Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's road maps.
-Inform everyone you meet of your personal 9/11 conspiracy theories.
-Light road flares on a birthday cake.
-Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
-At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
-Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read.
-Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
-While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
-Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
-Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September. Put your Christmas light up in October.
-Change your surname to "Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book.
-Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
-Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
-Wear a lot of cologne.
-Sing along at the opera.
-At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhwing-batter!"
-Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
-Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
-Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
-Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
-Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
-Make appointments for the 31st of September.
-Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
-In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage".
-Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".
-Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
-TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
-type only in lowercase.
-dont use any punctuation either
-Tell people their accent isn't fooling anyone.
-Drum on every available surface.
-Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

-Set alarms for random times.
-Learn Morse code and have conversations with friends in public consisting of "Beeeep bip bip beeeep bip".
-Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavour off.
-Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
-Dress only in clothes coloured Hunter's Orange.
-Wear your pants backwards.
-Begin all your sentences with "ohh la la!"
-Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".
-Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-landscape mode.
-Pay for your dinner with pennies.
-Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
-Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
-Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
-Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
-Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
-Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
-Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
-Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk into it.
-Drive half a block.
-Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
-Cultivate a Norwegian accent.
-"Forget" the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was "real funny".
-Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
-Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "The Final Coutdown", "Who Let The Dogs Out" or "Call Me Maybe".
-Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
-Ask to "interface" with someone.
-Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket".
-Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture".
-Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
-Never make eye contact.
-Never break eye contact.
-Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, pronouncing the results.
-Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
-Occasionally bark in a high-pitched voice.
-Say "okay, you're gay" to anything someone says.
-As people talk, smell their shoulders.
-When in a conversation, look out the window, then say "Wait, start over. I wasn't paying attention".
-Say to people, "Did you wear deodorant today?"
-Place your shoes on the table.
-When talking to someone, look at a spot about two inches to their right.
-When standing near a "high-class person," ask them, "Excuse me, but do I have a booger hanging on my nose? I thought I picked it off".
-Switch your neighbour's lawn furniture with someone else's.
-Call into work and tell them you have something better to do today.
-Buy goldfish and ask the clerk if they come with chips.
-Sample every flavour of ice cream and tell the clerk what you don't like about each one.
-Pick your ear wax and ask if you could use their sleeve to wipe it off.
-Insist completely ridiculous things are true - like Bush is still President.
-Speak in a strong Welsh accent.
-Wear odd shoes.
-Learn "Ice Ice Baby" by heart and recite it endlessly.
-Disagree strongly with everything anybody says.
-Throw stuff at people walking past your house.
-Keep changing the TV channel every two seconds.
-Insist that Celine Dion is better than the Beatles.
-Whenever anyone says something, laugh loudly as if they have just told and extremely funny joke.
-Phone McDonald's and try to make a reservation for that evening.
-Spend an entire weekend pretending you are R2D2.
-Phone random numbers and tell them you are holding their daughter hostage.
-Recite Pi.
-Pretend you have gone completely deaf.
-etirW sdrawkcab.
-Walk into people's houses, go straight to the fridge without saying hello, and help yourself to their food.
-Speak so quietly that people always have to get you to repeat it.
-Loudly recite people's most embarrassing secrets in restaurants.
-Play the electric guitar very loudly and badly, then when the neighbours ask you to turn it down, play even louder. When they come round to complain again, say, "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you asked me to turn it up!
-Try to fit the word "cornucopia" into every sentence you say.
-Drive on the wrong side of the road.
-Secretly learn to play the piano, then go to a friend's house who has a piano. Claim you've never played before then play Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring perfectly the first time. Then say, "I guess I must kinda be a natural".
-Go canoeing and sing the Hawaii Five-0 theme.
-Claim that until recently, you thought Michael Jackson was a woman.
-Wear your cap backwards and say "Yo, wazzup?" a lot.
-Go to a Metallica concert wearing a Michael Bolton T-Shirt.
-Take photos of people walking down the street and then run away.
-Down a can of Coke in one and then burp loudly.
-Bark like a dog whenever anyone says the word "the".
-Wire up people's cars so the horn comes on as soon as their car is started.
-Continuously mumble during a conversation.
-Move people's bookmarks ahead three pages when they aren't looking.
-Copy and send this list to as many people as you can.



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#2 softeyes

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Posted 08 January 2016 - 01:33 AM

First to respond:  :hysterical:     :hysterical:     :hysterical:  :hysterical:

 

Would you mind terribly if I take my time <2016> to respond to each line item!!!

:lmao:



#3 Platypus

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Posted 08 January 2016 - 02:40 AM

"Speak in a strong Welsh accent."

Where does that leave people who actually have a strong Welsh accent? :)
Top 5 things that never get done:

1.

#4 Animal

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Posted 08 January 2016 - 04:00 PM

Duplicating entries in lists of how to annoy people, annoy me.... :hysterical:

"Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme." As an example.

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#5 Guest_hollowface_*

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Posted 09 January 2016 - 07:31 PM

-Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

I have to say this one is my favorite, not because I think it's the best way to annoy people, but because I enjoy the paradoxical nature of it.

-Set alarms for random times.

I actually have one my watches set like this, because I currently don't need the alarms, but there is no way to disable them. I have gotten comments about it.

-Wear your pants backwards.

Not sure if he's walking towards me or away from me?

-Call into work and tell them you have something better to do today.

#ThingsYouWantToSayButDont

-Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up".

Not as bad as scraping a chalk-board, but close.

 


 



#6 softeyes

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Posted 09 January 2016 - 10:28 PM

interrupt...@hallowface...I don't recognize you? Any meaning with the change of your avatar pic? Something from Nick's list! 



#7 Guest_hollowface_*

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Posted 09 January 2016 - 11:55 PM

@softeyes

A while ago some others changed their avatars, and I decided I would too. Just felt like it was time for a change, though it took a while to decide what to change it to.



#8 rp88

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Posted 15 January 2016 - 01:56 PM

What does it say about me that I had to read "-Move people's bookmarks ahead three pages when they aren't looking" twice to realise the sort of bookmark being discussed...
Back on this site, for a while anyway, been so busy the last year.

My systems:2 laptops, intel i3 processors, windows 8.1 installed on the hard-drive and linux mint 17.3 MATE installed to USB

#9 Guest_hollowface_*

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Posted 16 January 2016 - 09:10 PM

What does it say about me that I had to read "-Move people's bookmarks ahead three pages when they aren't looking" twice to realise the sort of bookmark being discussed...

I didn't realize what type of bookmark was being discussed until you brought it up.



#10 Captain_Chicken

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Posted 01 April 2016 - 07:30 AM

This list is extremely useful on April fool's day!

Computer Collection:

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler

#11 mjd420nova

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Posted 01 April 2016 - 03:30 PM

What annoys me??  Users who insist on using their laptops and desktops as a place to plug in a USB fan, a USB light and  chargers for phones, pad, tablets and nooks.  At least three times a year I replace the fuses (I mounted them) for the front panel USB ports.  I can't get them to spend $20. on a powered hub but they'll pay me $100. to fix it.  I'm seriously looking into putting in a circuit breaker instead, if I can find one for 5 volts.






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