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Appropriate Dating Ages


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#1 DenizB1992

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Posted 24 November 2015 - 03:32 PM

In the overtly sexualized industry we live in today, dating begins to take a hit as to what would be morally and ethically acceptable towards those who date at a young age. Many people believe the myth they were told: "Take your age divide it by half and add 7 and vise versa". By that logic we can assume a person who is 50 would be appropriately dating people between 32 and 93 years of age. How do you feel about the age gaps within some relationships, and what would be the threshold that would allow people to enter a relationship without being stigmatized for their age difference?

 

Below are some examples and I want to know if you think these ages are appropriate to have a relationship with each other:

 

23 and 17

15 and 19

35 and 22

78 and 57

 

Personally I find that age is a number and people should be allowed to love whomever they want, but society as a whole shatters our perceptions of what is right and wrong due to popular belief.



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#2 Naught McNoone

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Posted 28 November 2015 - 12:14 PM

Many years ago, I told my wife (9 years my junior,) that when she turned fourty, I was going to turn her in for two twenties.

 

Her response was "Why, you not even wired for one ten!"

 

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#3 Elise

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Posted 30 November 2015 - 07:28 AM

This is actually an interesting question and I'd like to comment on two things.

 

Personally I have never liked the whole concept of "dating" (as in: socially meeting another (relatively unknown) person with the prospect of considering them for a future relationship). It is something that I would never feel comfortable with; I like to meet new people and socializing, but not for the sole purpose of entering a new relationship. Of course this is a personal thing and something that depends on personality and such. 

 

As for age differences, that is a difficult one; I know people who, despite a large difference in ages, have working longtime relationships, I also know couples who split up even though there was only a few months' difference in age. In other words, in my opinion, the difference in age is not a deciding factor in a relationship. However, I'd make one exception and that is a relationship where one of the partners is under-age (this will differ from country to country) and the other is an adult. 

I'm pretty straightforward on that subject, but if two people decide they want a relationship and one of them is under-age, then IMO they should keep it at friendship until both are of age, or if that is not an option, break it off at once since their relationship likely has no future anyway if one or both partners are not able/willing to build it up slowly.

I also don't think it will hurt anybody to slowly build up a relationship; if you want it to last there really is more to it than falling head-over-heels in love and living on a pink cloud. :)

 

Because being under-age may differ from country to country I really have no particular opinion on the ages expressed in the first post, and in my view there are other much more important criteria that'll determine whether or not a relationship "works" (although there are of course certain practical implications, for example, if one partner is 57 and loves hiking, they need to realize that their 78 year old partner might not be able to join them in that).


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#4 NickAu

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Posted 02 December 2015 - 12:58 AM

15 and 19

 

I have a 15 year old daughter and there is no way I would allow her to date a 19 year old, while 4 years difference seems like nothing if its 20 and 24, there is a vast difference between 15 and 19.


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#5 cat1092

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Posted 02 December 2015 - 06:42 AM

Nick, if you had a 15 year old son, would you feel the same way? 

 

Most dads would be proud of their 15 year old hooking up with a 19 year old, but they'd likely say 'Don't tell your mother'  :thumbup2:

 

I was dating at 14, and my first relationship was with a woman 7 years older than myself. And I told no one for several years, yet when I did, come to find out, most of my friends had similar experiences, some with women 10 years older than the one I had (over 30). Personally, I feel that there's a double standard here. 

 

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#6 NickAu

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Posted 02 December 2015 - 03:49 PM

Quote

Nick, if you had a 15 year old son, would you feel the same way?

 

In a word YES, for the same reasons as stated above. I would also go to the police as its a criminal offence,  A 19 year old has no business dating a 15 year old. 


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#7 Naught McNoone

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Posted 03 December 2015 - 10:31 AM

NickAu, on 02 Dec 2015 - 3:49 PM, said:
. . . .its a criminal offence . . . 19 year old . . . no . . . dating a 15 year old. 
 
 
 
In Canada, the legal age of consent was raised from 14 to 16 in 2008.  It had been 14 since 1892!
 
Included in the new law, though, was a Close-in-age Exception of less than 5 years.
 
This means that a 14 or 15 year old can "date" someone who is less than 5 years older then they are, without parental consent!
 
Tuppence,
 
Naught

Edited by Naught McNoone, 03 December 2015 - 10:32 AM.


#8 NickAu

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Posted 03 December 2015 - 03:50 PM

Going by the close-in-age thing a 13 year old can date a 18 year old? Not in my house,

 

Don't care what the law says, If my 15 year old daughter got pregnant to a 20 year old, I can tell you this, law or no law, I would teach the 20 year old a  lesson he would never forget and believe me when I say I am more than capable of teaching him that lesson.


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#9 Elise

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Posted 03 December 2015 - 05:00 PM

I think we're now slowly ending up discussing in which circumstances under-age people should be (not) allowed to date. Keep in mind that this is dependent on education/expectations on the part of parents, laws in the residing country and the personality of the child. The subject of the topic was strictly about dating, lets keep pregnancy out of the discussion because that definitely would change the discussion and the way we all would react to it were we somehow involved in it. :)


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#10 TsVk!

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Posted 03 December 2015 - 06:11 PM

I've dated older and younger people (before I got married)...

 

Some of the older ones were total children and some of the younger ones probably thought the same thing about me.

 

Once people hit a certain age of independence (normally between 16 and 18), as part of normal growth they need the choice to see whoever they want. Different facets of our personalities require/desire different partners than others around us. Age is just a single factor that plays a part in a bigger picture that also contains emotional maturity, culture and other personal factors.

 

So in short, IMHO: once people hit that "age" it's a fee for all. Even if the relationships don't last forever the experience, growth and personal satisfaction from apparently mismatched relationships can be very beneficial.

 

The 1/2 your age +7 is a guideline, like "don't walk on the grass".



#11 NickAu

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Posted 03 December 2015 - 07:29 PM

I disagree,  as the father of a almost 15 year old girl I think the issue of sex and pregnancy is very relevant and totally on topic. There is no way I want my daughter to be a single mother at 16, I see young pregnant teenagers around here all the time and in most cases their lives are ruined, They stop going to school, Start getting welfare ( Single mothers pension ), I want my child to get the best start in life she can get and she wont be able to get that if she has a child before she finishes high school.

 

I stand by what I said,  A 19 year old has no business dating a 15 year old.  


Edited by NickAu, 03 December 2015 - 07:48 PM.

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#12 TsVk!

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Posted 03 December 2015 - 07:35 PM

15 year old is still a girl... should not be dating legal age men, I agree.

 

Just not yet over "that age". Too immature.



#13 NickAu

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Posted 03 December 2015 - 08:09 PM

Man aged 60 marries his pregnant teenage girlfriend - with ...

 

While these 2 are over the age of consent, What part of that is OK?


Edited by NickAu, 03 December 2015 - 08:11 PM.

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#14 TsVk!

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Posted 03 December 2015 - 08:15 PM

I don't see anything "wrong" per se.

 

Who the hell am I to judge?



#15 Elise

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Posted 04 December 2015 - 03:20 AM

Wow, thats quite a story, I agree with Nick here, I would definitely draw the line at that particular relationship were I somehow involved in it; nto because of the age difference, but because of the polygamy issues around it. 

 

I actually know someone who has a relation with someone 40 years older. They are a happily married couple, are together for a number of years, with the blessing of the "kids" from earlier relationships. If they all are happy, they break no laws, then why not? I don't know if I would ever feel okay with such a huge difference in age, but who am I to judge if they are happy together.


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