Looks like I went and got infected again. I used a forum very similar to this years ago to help cleanse my machine, and it worked brilliantly. I expect the same from this forum as well. Once my machine is done backing up, I will likely go about creating a log and posting it.
Anyone who is a volunteer here - you are the bastion and lifeblood of this crazy thing we call the internet, and I offer much thanks in advance.