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Hilarious Computer Quotes


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#1 NickAu

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Posted 12 January 2015 - 02:51 AM

"If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0"

"The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents."

"Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google."

"... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs." - Robert Firth

"If Python is executable pseudocode, then perl is executable line noise."

"The more I C, the less I see."

"To err is human... to really foul up requires the root password."

"After Perl everything else is just assembly language."

"If brute force doesn't solve your problems, then you aren't using enough."

"Life would be so much easier if we only had the source code."

"Unix is user-friendly. It's just very selective about who its friends are."

"There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't."

"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - This is not humorous by itself; but in the context it's a classic by Bill Gates in 1981

Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."

"Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. NO is the answer."   - Erik Naggum

"Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Computers are from hell."

"SUPERCOMPUTER: what it sounded like before you bought it."

"Windows95: It's like upgrading from Reagan to Bush.

"People say Microsoft paid 14M$ for using the Rolling Stones song 'Start me up' in their commercials. This is wrong. Microsoft payed 14M$ only for a part of the song. For instance, they didn't use the line 'You'll make a grown man cry'."

"I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user friendly"

"A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light"

"The best accelerator available for a Mac is one that causes it to go at 9.81 m/s2."

"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila"

"To go forward, you must backup."

"I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code"

"A Windows user spends 1/3 of his life sleeping, 1/3 working, 1/3 waiting."

"My software never has bugs. It just develops random features."

"Better to be a geek than an idiot."

"Windows isn't a virus, viruses do something."

"Geek's favorite pickup line: Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform? "

"Be nice to geeks when you're in school, you might end-up working for one when you grow-up."

"Difference between a virus and windows ? Viruses rarely fail."

"Evolution is God's way of issuing upgrades."

"The only problem with troubleshooting is that sometimes trouble shoots back."

"It's a little-known fact that the Y1K problem caused the Dark Ages."

"The box said 'Required Windows 95 or better'. So, I installed LINUX."

"Computer are like air conditioners: they stop working when you open windows."

"once upon a midnight dreary, while i pron surfed, weak and weary,
over many a strange and spurious site of 'hot xxx galore'.
While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour,
" 'Tis not possible!", i muttered, "give me back my free hardcore!"
quoth the server, 404."

"Mac users swear by their Mac,
PC users swear at their PC."

"Like car accidents, most hardware problems are due to driver error."

"Real men don't use backups, they post their stuff on a public ftp server and let the rest of the world make copies."  - Linus Torvalds

"There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those that understand trinary, those that don't, and those that confuse it with binary."

"If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime."

"It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa."

"I had a fortune cookie the other day and it said: 'Outlook not so good'. I said: 'Sure, but Microsoft ships it anyway'."

"The nice thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from."

"The term reboot comes from the middle age (before computers). Horses who stopped in mid-stride required a boot to the rear to start again. Thus the term to rear-boot, later abbreviated into reboot."

"Programmers are tools for converting caffeine into code."

 "The great thing about Object Oriented code is that it can make small, simple problems look like large, complex ones."


Edited by Orange Blossom, 17 January 2015 - 01:57 AM.

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#2 M. de Jager

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Posted 12 January 2015 - 03:20 AM

Haha awesome!



#3 noknojon

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Posted 12 January 2015 - 04:10 AM

I must give credit for this group to Phillyt ....... (link can be provided)

 

IUKB ERROR
IDIOT USING KEYBORD

IBM 
I BLAME MICROSOFT

IDIOTS BUY ME
IDIOTS BUILDING MACHINES
(I'LL BUY MACINTOSHES)

IT BIT ME
IT BUILT MICROSOFT

IT'S BETTER MANUALLY
I'VE BEEN MISLED 
I'VE BEEN MUGGED

WINDOWS  .........

WELL IT NEVER DOES OPERATE WITH SPEED
WHEN I NEED DATA  OUTPUT WITHOUT SPEED
WHILE IDLE,NEEDS DX OR WORKSTATION
WILL INSATLL NEEDLESS DATA ON WHOLE SYSTEM
 

WIN  
WHOPPINGLY IMMENSE NOP
WORN INFESTATION NETWARE

MS-WINDOWS NT/WIDOWS NT
MY SOLITAIRE WITH ITS NEW DE ACCELERATOR,ONLY WITH SOME NETWORK TECHNOLOGY
WELL INTENDED NETWORK DE ACCELERATOR,ONLY WORKS SOMETIMES NEVER TOTALL
WINDOWS (AS A ) NETWORK TROJAN

DIFFERENT OPERATING SYSTEM EXPECTIONS
  
MACINTOSH:WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET

MS-DOS:YOU ASKED FOR IT YOU GOT IT

UNIX:IFUH2SK UDNTWNT2KNO

VMS:YOU GOT IT,ALL OF IT,WANT IT OR NOT

RANDOM ABBREVIATIONS FOR MANY COMPUTER COMPANIES
APPLE:
ARROGANCE PRODUCES PROFIT-LOSING ENTITY
DEC:
DUMP EVERYTHING AND CLOSE

DEC:
DO EXPECT CUTS

HCL:
HILARIOUS COMPUTER LOGIC

HP:
HOT PURSUIT

IBM:
I BLAME MICROSOFT 

MAC:
MOST ABSURD COMPUTER
MACINTOSH: 
Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

MICROSOFT:
MOST INTELLIGENT CUSTOMERS REALIZE OUR SOFTWARE ONLY FOOLS TEENAGERS

NEXT:
NOW EXCHANGE FOR TEARS

OS/2
OBSOLETE SOON TOO 

WARP:
WHAT A RAT PROGRAM

ACRONYMS FOR OTHER COMPUTER TERMS

AMIGA:
A MERELY INSIGNIFICANT GAME ADDICTION

BASIC:
BILLS ATTEMPT to SEIZE INDUSTRY CONTROL

CD-ROM:
CUSTOMER DIVICE -,RENDERED OBSOLETE IN MONTHS

COBOL:
COMPLETELY OBSOLETE BUSINESS ORIENTED LANGUAGE

DOS:
DEFECTIVE OPERATING SYSTEM

ISDN:
IT STILL DOES NOTHING

LISP:
LOTS OF INFURITIATING AND SILLY PARENTHESIS

MIPS:

MEANINGLESS INDICATION OF PROCESSOR SPEED


PCMCIA:
PEOPLE CAN'T MEMORIZE COMPUTER INDUSTRY ACRONYMS 

PENTIUM:
PRODUCES ERRONEOUS NUMBERS THROUGH INCORRECT UNDERSTANDING OF MATHMATICS

SCSI:
SYSTEM CAN'T SEE  IT

 

And Finally -
WWW:
WORLD WIDE WAIT



#4 Sintharius

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Posted 12 January 2015 - 04:29 AM

LOL Nick, always the funniest man ever! :hysterical:

#5 M. de Jager

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Posted 12 January 2015 - 05:31 AM

LOL Nick, always the funniest man ever! :hysterical:

+1 - I like it!



#6 nickautomatic

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Posted 12 January 2015 - 03:41 PM

NickAu, I really like all your posts.



#7 JohnC_21

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Posted 12 January 2015 - 04:12 PM

Those were pretty funny NickAu. :hysterical: Here is another I found. Not quite a quote though.

 

99 little bugs in the code

99 little bugs in the code

Take one down, patch it around

117 little bugs in the code


Edited by JohnC_21, 12 January 2015 - 04:18 PM.





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