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Your Horoscope


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#1 NickAu

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Posted 01 December 2014 - 03:38 PM

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb 18) - You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a jerk.

PISCES (Feb 19-Mar 20) - You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have a minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general loser.

ARIES (Mar21-Apr 20) - You are the pioneer type and think most people are quick-tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are a loser.

TAURUS (Apr 21-May 20) - You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a communist.

GEMINI (May 21-Jun 20) - You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on nonsense.

CANCER (Jun 21-Jul 22) - You are sympathetic and understanding to other peoples problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a penny. Everybody in prison is a Cancer.

LEO (Jul 23-Aug 22) - You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you're an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving sods and spend most of their lives kissing mirrors.

VIRGO (Aug 23-Sep 22) - You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nitpicking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while having sex. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

LIBRA (Sep 23-Oct 22) - You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are male, probably you wear a tutu. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are lazy. Most of Libras die of venereal disease.

SCORPIO (Oct 23-Nov 21) - The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect S.O.B.. Most Scorpios are murdered.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22-Dec 21) - You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarius' are drunks. You are not worth the time of day.

CAPRICORN (Dec 22-Jan 19) - You are conservative and are afraid of taking risks. You are basically spineless. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. Become a monk.



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#2 noknojon

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Posted 01 December 2014 - 04:00 PM

LEO (Jul 23-Aug 22) - You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you're an idiot.

 

1 . No comment

2. Whose birthday ?

3. Who told you ..............

4. :notme: << Generally my excuse.

5. Now I need to alter my signature ...................



#3 georgehenry

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Posted 01 December 2014 - 05:14 PM

Got me to a "T"



#4 Queen-Evie

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Posted 01 December 2014 - 05:59 PM

Southern (United States) Horoscope. If you don't know what some of these things are Google is your friend.

OKRA Dec 22 – Jan 20 Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okra have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.

CHITLIN Jan 21 – Feb 19 Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds. Many times they’re uncomfortable talking about just where they came from. A chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he’s motivated and has plenty of seasoning. When it comes to dealing with Chitlins, be very careful. Chitlins can burn and then erupt like Vesuvius, and this can make for a really terrible mess. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra. Remember that when marriage time rolls around.

BOLL WEEVIL Feb 20 – Mar 20 You have an overwhelming curiosity. You’re unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don’t worry about it.

MOON PIE Mar 21 – Apr 20 You’re the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It’s a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. “Big” and “round” are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It’s not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.

POSSUM Apr 21 – May 21 When confronted with life’s difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a “don’t – bother – me – about – it” attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you’re dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won’t work, and you may find your problems actually running you over.

CRAWFISH May 22 – June 21 Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you’re always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend not to be particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads.

COLLARDS June 22- July 23 Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the “melting pot” of life and share their essence with the essences of those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won’t work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.

CATFISH July 24 – Aug 23 Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, with one exception: Whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.

GRITS Aug 24 – Sept 23 Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel, though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well.

BOILED PEANUTS Sept 24 – Oct 23 You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best – your friends and loved ones – may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.

BUTTER BEAN Oct 24 – Nov 22 Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You’ve grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn’t have anything to do with Moon Pies.

ARMADILLO Nov 23 – Dec 21 You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You’re not concerned with today’s fashions and trends. You’re not concerned with anything about today. You’re really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another, somewhat kinky, mating possibility.

#5 Chris Cosgrove

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Posted 01 December 2014 - 07:56 PM

I will admit to practical, but persistent ?

 

As one who has never been to the US of A, can Queen-Evie enlighten me as to what a 'moon pie' is, and why so many should avoid them ?

 

Chris Cosgrove



#6 Queen-Evie

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Posted 01 December 2014 - 08:07 PM

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moon_pie

http://www.moonpie.com/about Click the arrows to read the history of Moon Pies.

http://www.moonpie.com/single

#7 Stolen

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Posted 01 December 2014 - 10:14 PM

OMG  :hysterical: 

 

Noknojon ~ I never knew!! 

 

Georgehenry!! Which sign?? lol

 

Chris ~ Moonpies are YUMMY, filled with fluffy marshmallow creamy goodness sandwiched between 2 cookies, either graham cracker or chocolate, crisp or soft, and sometimes covered in chocolate :) and I didn't even have to look that up! lol

 

Queen Evie, I hate to admit to knowing 100% of your signs, but alas, i'm a true Southern girl, too. 

 

And, lastly, I had REALLY better not admit to this...but....

 

You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality.  Reality? Hey man, what’s reality?? (and THAT is a good thing! lol)

 

If you are male, probably you wear a tutu. *skipping this one for obvious reasons* However, I personally refuse to wear a tutu ~ 1) It’s wayyyyy too itchy!! 2) and it's a known fact that Libras prefer soft and sultry elegance.

 

Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil.  LOL! And this is because……….because, well because…we love art and beauty!

 

Most Libra women are lazy. Most Libras MAY APPEAR to be little social butterflies with lotsa friends and busy social calendars, but let’s just shelve this discussion until later (or until I win with my awesome arguments and logic) and until you give in!   

 

Most of Libras die of venereal disease. ok, ok, OK, i'm just gonna say 3 words: Venus-ruled beauty. A Libra normally make heads turn when she walks in the room…so you just remember those 3 little words : D 

 

Nick ~ SO funny!! 



#8 NickAu

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Posted 01 December 2014 - 10:33 PM

 

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb 18) - You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a jerk.

 

Hmmm, Who's idea was this. I am married, No point in lying, The wife knows everything anyway.  Not everyone thinks I'm a jerk, Some think I'm 100% Ahole. And yes I am progressive.  Cant argue with the rest.



#9 Queen-Evie

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Posted 01 December 2014 - 11:10 PM

Chris ~ Moonpies are YUMMY, filled with fluffy marshmallow creamy goodness sandwiched between 2 cookies, either graham cracker or chocolate, crisp or soft, and sometimes covered in chocolate :) and I didn't even have to look that up! lol


Best with an RC Cola. If you can still find RC.

#10 Animal

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Posted 01 December 2014 - 11:46 PM

Chris ~ Moonpies are YUMMY, filled with fluffy marshmallow creamy goodness sandwiched between 2 cookies, either graham cracker or chocolate, crisp or soft, and sometimes covered in chocolate :) and I didn't even have to look that up! lol


Best with an RC Cola. If you can still find RC.

You can if you're willing to pay for it.

Even Amazon agrees with you Q-E. Look dead center above the can of RC. :grinner:

rcandmoonpie.png

EDIT: Although the thought of a 'used' Moon Pie makes me nauseous. Amazon really needs to rethink the the placement of New and Used listings sometimes...... :P

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#11 Queen-Evie

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Posted 02 December 2014 - 12:06 AM

Now I have a craving for a moonpie (double decker) and an RC Cola. The next time I go grocery shopping I will look on the soft drink aisle for RC. If I can't find it I'll have to do without. $18 for a 12 pack is to pricey.
 

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb 18) - You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a jerk.


I prefer the term "creative license with words". Like the time my grand-daughter wanted pancakes. I made some from scratch. Put them on a plate. She looked at them and said they don't look like the kind that you microwave and "I don't like homemade pancakes". The ones she wanted are found in the frozen food section of the grocery store and are nuked. She was used to those.

Off to the kitchen I go again. Made another pancake. When done, I put it on a plate, stuck it in the microwave. Made sure she would be able to hear the DING when the microwave finished. (I had set it for 5 seconds). Cut pancake up, put syrup on it, gave it to her and said "It came out of the microwave". She ate the whole thing, pronounced it the best pancake she had ever had.

So I did not lie to her-it was microwaved. I just left out the fact that I had made the pancake.

When I knew she would be spending the weekend with me, I would make pancakes, cook them, freeze them and nuke 'em for her. "Yes, little girl, I have the kind you put in the microwave".

As for being a jerk, I don't care if people think that of me. I don't lose sleep over what they think about me.
 

CHITLIN Jan 21 – Feb 19 Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds. Many times they’re uncomfortable talking about just where they came from. A chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he’s motivated and has plenty of seasoning. When it comes to dealing with Chitlins, be very careful. Chitlins can burn and then erupt like Vesuvius, and this can make for a really terrible mess. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra. Remember that when marriage time rolls around.


I DO "erupt like Vesuvius".

Stolen, be proud of being a Southern girl.

Edited by Queen-Evie, 02 December 2014 - 12:10 AM.


#12 princecharming

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Posted 03 December 2014 - 04:15 AM

I love to know about my Horoscope, because whatever it is written, it comes true. I am always going to my favorite scholar. His name is Arjun Pandit. He is such a nice and kind guy. I have a lot of faith on him. My all freinds are also have faith on his pridiction.



#13 noknojon

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Posted 03 December 2014 - 05:40 PM

CATFISH July 24 – Aug 23 Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, with one exception: Whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.

@ Queen-Evie ,

 

If I ever manage to translate that, I may understand it a bit better.

 

As an :offtopic:  extra, I am finding that several Smiley items are not ?? working 100%. I even attempted to add Off Topic to this, and I can not see it in Preview Post ??

One turned up in my next post, a few just seem to "Flick the box of smileys" and not turn up at all. Could someone please check all of them if they are to stay.

 

Thank You -

EDIT - I have found that if I close the smileys "extra box" after each post, :scratchhead:  and re-install for next use it works now ? I can not use it on several topics once opened


Edited by noknojon, 03 December 2014 - 07:09 PM.


#14 Chris Cosgrove

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Posted 03 December 2014 - 07:26 PM

That's probably why the Romans built the wall - to keep us ignorant Scots out of their empire !

 

Call it an information overload. I now know more about 'Moon Pies' than I ever thought of knowing. We have a vaguely similar biscuit here, called the 'Wagon Wheel'. At least it meets the basic spec - two layers of biscuit, jam and mallow in the middle, coated with chocolate. Haven't had one for years, might pick up a packet and give them a try again.

 

I still don't know why so many different Southern Signs should avoid them - complexion problems in the climate perhaps ?

 

Chris Cosgrove



#15 NickAu

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Posted 03 December 2014 - 08:32 PM

I love Wagon Wheels.

 

http://youtu.be/KhUWqFI3S9c






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