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MORNINGTON CRESCENT (an antidote to complex game shows)


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#1 Bob Biden

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Posted 08 April 2014 - 07:54 AM

This will either fly, like the eagle of destiny, or fall rapidly, like the vulture of despair, to the grimy cobweb bedecked depths of the underboard ...
 
It is loosely based on the panel game of the same name as featured on the UK BBC Radio 4 program, "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue". The rules can only be described as ... fluid.
 
The objective of the game is to use your knowledge of the stations on the London Underground System to travel from a starting location, initially selected by the adjudicator or his nominated deputy, and subsequently by the winner of the previous game, to "Mornington Crescent". The rules are simple but may evolve, change, invert, be extended or become null and void for no apparent reason depending on circumstances, the whim of the adjudicator or the desperation of the players.
 
I suggest we initially play by the 'Royal and Ancient (simplified)' rules to start off and then maybe proceed to more complex versions of the game as experience is gained, perhaps 'Blitzkreig' MC or 'Post-apocalyptic (deep station only)' MC.
 
Please read the rules carefully and maintain an updated copy for your own reference. Collusion, either by mutual consent or forced buffering is strictly forbidden and will result in BOTH offending players being ejected from the game. 
 
Participants may find it useful, but not essential, to have at hand a copy of the London Transport Underground Map (widely available on the net). The only stipulation being that under NO circumstances may it be referred to. Players found sneaking a quick peek will be subject to ... 
 
Rule 1: Loss of one turn ... UNLESS the last station played was south of the Thames or in any postcode starting with "W" but excluding numbers exactly divisible by three.
 
Addendum ... The use of SatNavs, Smart Phones and Tablets (stone or otherwise) is expressly forbidden under United Nations 'Rules of Engagement', King James version, Chapter 20, Verse 11. Quote ... "Thou shalt not use digital technology in any form whatsoever, for the Lord thy God is an Analogue God. Listen people ... if I'd meant mankind to use digital technology I'd have given him two fingers, NOT ten" ... Unquote.  
 
Rule 2: All stations on the Circle Line are, of course, exempt from all rules, including this one.
 
Rule 3: Participants playing out of turn will be bound by Rule 10.
 
Rule 4 (Mobius's "Cyclical"): Players attempting to jump from one line to another without first passing through junctions will be subject to Rule 4.
 
Rule 5: Any of the above rules may be nullified for ONE turn only, provided that the player elects to invoke 'en passant' and the player has only made a single move so far.
 
Rule 6: If the previous player has blocked the current player with any illegal move under the previous five rules, then, said player is deemed to be "off-siding" and must forfeit one go and return to the starting point.
 
Rule 7: Participants wishing to play 'off-piste' must indicate to other players their intention to do so at least two moves prior to moving.
 
Rule 8: Players landing on Russell, Trafalgar, Leicester or Sloane squares may invoke the inverse square law and force any nominated player to go back one turn.
 
Rule 9: Players landing on any station with a main line connection must invoke Fothergill's "Trump". Failure to do so allows all other players to overtrump the offending player. Failure by all other players to notice the original "Trump" will result in a stalemate and all players will forfeit their next move.
 
Rule 10 (Gödel's Loop): Players failing to make a legal move within the time limit or as stipulated under Rule 3 must obey Rule 13.
 
Rule 11: Players have the option of taking back a miss-move provided that such an action does NOT result in blocking on the diagonal.
 
Rule 12: Players occupying a station subsequently landed on by another player may, at the adjudicator's discretion, call a foul, thereby 'freezing' the offending player in place until another player lands on a terminal station.
 
Rule 13: See Rule 10.
 
Rule 14: Players attempting to SNAFU another player by neglecting to inform said player of ongoing engineering works, signalling failures or temporary station closures will immediately forfeit the game.
 
Rule 15: Players may, on foregoing two moves, attempt to force another player or players into the Cockfosters antipodean innuendo by submitting a new rule, provided that the new rule does not obviously conflict with or negate any existing rule or cause any paradoxical behaviour by subsequent users of the rule.
 
Here is a list, although by no means complete (or even accurate), of some of the more common moves and terms used in Mornington Crescent ...
 
"Dogleg dexter" ... up and to the right.
 
"Dogleg sinistré" ... up and to the left.
 
(Both, in fact all, moves may use the moderator "volanté" to indicate a fast shuttle.)
 
"Diagonally" and "orthogonally" are both self-explanatory.
 
"On the blind" ... without looking where you're going, a ploy sometimes use to kerbaffle a following opponent, more often used when one doesn't KNOW where one is going.
 
"Blitzkreiging" ... blindly charging ahead without knowing the consequences (or even the destination).
 
"Widdershins" ... anticlockwise, as opposed to "Clockwise" ... clockwise.
 
In 'Nidd' ... similar to being 'in check' in chess but different. Being in 'Nidd' can be good OR bad, depending.
 
These should be enough to get you going, although you don't HAVE to name the move to use it, BUT ... all moves will be analysed for correctness using a three dimensional topological program running on a Cray XMP supercomputer with distributed processing and pseudo-AI capabilities.
 
For more definitions refer to N F Stovold's seminal work, or make them up.
 
New players may join the game at any point during play, providing that they ... i) provide a new rule or ii) don't provide a new rule.
 
All clear? Then I'll start with the great Russian Grand Master, Boris Kasparsky's favourite opening gambit, Humbert's "Misdirection". 
 
(For players new to the game ... This may well leave me open to attack from the western approaches via the Ealing shunt but I believe I can block off at Chiswick Park, without leaving myself in 'Nidd', by hiding in the siding.)
 
So ... Acton Town is today's starting point.

Edited by Bob Biden, 08 April 2014 - 08:14 AM.


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#2 Netghost56

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Posted 08 April 2014 - 08:29 AM

Yeah...that's not complicated at all...



#3 ITGeekGirl

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Posted 08 April 2014 - 09:01 AM

I went cross-eyed while attempting to understand the rules. 



#4 Platypus

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Posted 08 April 2014 - 09:11 AM

Uhh... what?


Top 5 things that never get done:

1.


#5 petewills

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Posted 08 April 2014 - 09:26 AM

There are no rules to the game, which is intentionally incomprehensible.  (Wikipedia)
 
Therefore, the next station is:
 
Mornington Crescent.   
 
 
Mornington.jpg


#6 Netghost56

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Posted 08 April 2014 - 09:47 AM

Ahhh I get it now. Very Douglas Adams. :thumbup2:



#7 Bob Biden

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Posted 08 April 2014 - 01:42 PM

Blimey, replies!! The last time I posted something similar on another site I was summarily ostracised. 
 
Anyway, congratulations, you have successfully completed Level 1 (trivial) of Mornington Crescent. Your next challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to complete Level 2 ...
 
This level of the game is first believed to have been played by one William Shakespeare as described in the first ever English language version of the rules, published by Caxton Preff in 1565 and predating N F Stovold's definitive work by more than two centuries. It was translated from the work of Nostradamus, the great 16th century seer, who is believed to have forseen the London Underground in quatrain 1226 of his "Les Propheties de M. Michel Noftradamvs". 
 
It is not much played nowadays except by purists who refuse to accept the very existance of the Jubilee or Victoria lines and the Docklands Light Railway, which they consider to be an abomination.
 
You must now navigate your way from Mornington Crescent to a location which I have decided upon. The rules remain more or less the same but may be added to at any stage. The location will not be divulged directly by me but, by asking the appropriate questions, you should be able to succeed in your task.
 
There is a new rule which only applies to Level 2 contestants, viz ...
 
Rule 16: Every statement the adjudicator makes is a lie (Epimenides).
 
You may begin ...

Edited by Bob Biden, 08 April 2014 - 02:18 PM.


#8 petewills

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Posted 10 April 2014 - 10:54 AM

:rip:






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