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PUTER FAQs


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#1 Styck

Styck

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Posted 28 April 2011 - 10:55 AM

Q. Why are there are no "shift" keys on my keyboard, but there are two keys labeled "hif"?

A. Again, you may want to consider cleaning your keyboard, and washing your hands more frequently for that matter.

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Q. Are there shift keys on my Macintosh?

A. Yes, although instead of the notation "shift", the key may be labeled with an excited Mac face, something like :o. Press this key to use shift, and be thankful you're using a friendly Mac instead of a mean old PC with all them confusin' words 'n stuff on it.

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Q. I'm sick of pushing the shift key every single time I want big letters. Is there any other way to do this?

A. This is the Modern Age of Convenience, and you may be able to activate the shift key merely with the power of your voice! Check to see whether your computer is equipped with speech-recognition equipment by saying the word "shift" very clearly and slowly into its speaker. Then watch the keyboard closely to see if the Shift key moves down. Note that you may have to repeat this action several times to "train" the computer to recognize your voice before the feature works reliably.

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Q. There are two shift keys, which should I use?

A. Avoid unnecessary wear on either shift key by alternating between the two. Keep track of your usage of each key so that you press them in equal amounts. Your keyboard may be equipped with a small notepad; you should use this to make little tally marks in two columns for each time you shift. Remember, it's better to go to a little trouble than wind up with a broken shift key.

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Q. If I press the shift key at the wrong time, or too many times, will my computer explode?

A. No. Well, generally no. Not unless you are using a NEC laptop. Or VT100 terminal emulation. But even then, hardly ever. Really, don't worry about it. Forget I mentioned it. Just type softly. Move along, next question.

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Q. Why are the shift keys bigger than the other keys?

A. They aren't. This is simply an optical illusion. Just as the moon appears much larger when it is close to the horizon, your shift keys look larger because of their proximity to other keys. To verify this, go out in a large field at night with your keyboard, place it in an upright position, and view it from a distance of 200 yards. Sure enough, the keys all look the same size!

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#2 Styck

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Posted 01 May 2011 - 07:31 PM

Q: When I look at the Shift key, there's an arrow pointing up and I guess that means that if I want to shift, I should use the key that the arrow is pointing to... right? But when I do that, all of a sudden, ALL OF THE LETTERS START SHOWING UP BIGGER! WHAT'S GOING ON?

A: Simple - You have angered the Gods of capitalization with your inane and foolish questions - Simply say you're sorry to the keyboard, in a very loud voice to emulate the CAPITAL LETTERS, and never do it again. And by the way, be sure to delete all those big letters - Because they're bigger, they take more space in your hard drive and your computer will fill up and start burping and farting. Not a pretty sight!!

#3 joggiwagga

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Posted 05 May 2011 - 12:21 PM

:hysterical:




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