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Computer Jokes


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32 replies to this topic

#1 keyboardNinja

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Posted 21 January 2010 - 10:37 AM

Feel free to post all your lame computer jokes here. :trumpet:

I'll start:
_____________________________

How to Clean the House

1. Open a new folder on your PC.

2. Name it "Housework."

3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.

4. Empty the Recycle Bin.

5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete
Housework permanently?"

6. Calmly answer, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly.

7. Feel better?

:thumbsup: :flowers:
PICNIC - Problem In Chair, Not In Computer

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#2 starcraftmaster

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Posted 22 January 2010 - 07:56 AM

much better
lol

#3 Queen-Evie

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Posted 22 January 2010 - 09:32 AM

Obviously this is a cartoon, not a joke. It's my favorite computer related funny. Found it years ago in a magazine.
All of us can relate to this one.

Posted Image

Edited by Queen-Evie, 22 January 2010 - 09:34 AM.


#4 keyboardNinja

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Posted 22 January 2010 - 12:12 PM

much better
lol

Good. :flowers: :thumbsup:

Obviously this is a cartoon, not a joke. It's my favorite computer related funny. Found it years ago in a magazine.
All of us can relate to this one.

Posted Image

That one is all too real!! :inlove: :trumpet:
PICNIC - Problem In Chair, Not In Computer

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#5 keyboardNinja

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Posted 22 January 2010 - 12:15 PM

In a surprise announcement today, Microsoft President Steve Ballmer revealed that the Redmond-based
company will allow computer resellers and end-users to customize the appearance of the Blue Screen of
Death (BSOD), the screen that displays when the Windows operating system crashes.

The move comes as the result of numerous focus groups and customer surveys done by Microsoft.
Thousands of Microsoft customers were asked, "What do you spend the most time doing on your computer?"

A surprising number of respondents said, "Staring at a Blue Screen of Death." At 54 percent, it was the
top answer, beating the second place answer "Downloading XXXScans" by an easy 12 points.

"We immediately recognized this as a great opportunity for ourselves, our channel partners, and especially
our customers," explained the excited Ballmer to a room full of reporters.

Immense video displays were used to show images of the new customizable BSOD screen side-by-side with
the older static version. Users can select from a collection of "BSOD Themes," allowing them to instead have
a Mauve Screen of Death or even a Paisley Screen of Death. Graphics and multimedia content can now be
incorporated into the screen, making the BSOD the perfect conduit for delivering product information and entertainment to Windows users.

The BSOD is by far the most recognized feature of the Windows operating system, and as a result, Microsoft
has historically insisted on total control over its look and feel. This recent departure from that policy reflects
Microsoft's recognition of the Windows desktop itself as the "ultimate information portal." By default, the new
BSOD will be configured to show a random selection of Microsoft product information whenever the system
crashes. Microsoft channel partners can negotiate with Microsoft for the right to customize the BSOD on systems they ship.

Major computer resellers such as Compaq, Gateway, and Dell are already lining up for premier placement
on the new and improved BSOD. Ballmer concluded by getting a dig in against the Open Source community.
"This just goes to show that Microsoft continues to innovate at a much faster pace than open source. I have
yet to see any evidence that Linux even has a BSOD, let alone a customizable one."

:thumbsup:
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#6 gully786

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Posted 22 January 2010 - 04:38 PM

These two are gd image jokes

Posted Image

Posted Image

#7 keyboardNinja

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Posted 22 January 2010 - 06:52 PM

Oh God, that's good. :thumbsup: :flowers:

:trumpet:
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#8 keyboardNinja

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Posted 22 January 2010 - 06:54 PM

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PICNIC - Problem In Chair, Not In Computer

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#9 ThunderZ

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Posted 22 January 2010 - 07:26 PM

Help Desk; How may I help you?

Caller; I`m having trouble with my computer.

Help Desk; Ok. I`m sure I can help. First I need to know if you are operating under Windows?

Caller; No. But I am next to a door. Should I move?

#10 tg1911

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Posted 23 January 2010 - 12:10 AM

Posted Image

Posted Image
MOBO: GIGABYTE GA-MA790X-UD4P, CPU: Phenom II X4 955 Deneb BE, HS/F: CoolerMaster V8, RAM: 2 x 1G Kingston HyperX DDR2 800, VGA: ECS GeForce Black GTX 560, PSU: Antec TruePower Modular 750W, Soundcard: Asus Xonar D1, Case: CoolerMaster COSMOS 1000, Storage: Internal - 2 x Seagate 250GB SATA, 2 x WD 1TB SATA; External - Seagate 500GB USB, WD 640GB eSATA, 3 x WD 1TB eSATA

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#11 EXPERT_COMPUTER

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Posted 23 January 2010 - 12:20 AM

Person: i have a problem with my computer

help desk: what is it

person: it says save changes to untilted?

help desk: just click no

person: im so dumb



LOL

#12 BlackSpyder

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Posted 23 January 2010 - 09:38 PM

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#13 ChicagoMel

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Posted 26 January 2010 - 12:30 AM

I think these have been around for ages

C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN!

Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression

Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"

... File not found. Should I fake it?(Y/N)

SENILE.COM found... Out of Memory...

Who's General Failure & why is he reading my disk?

Hidden DOS secret: Add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS

Press any key... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!

Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...

DOS Tip #2: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS

BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!

Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..

Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

Southern DOS: Y'all reckon?(Yep/Nope)

CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C.?(Y/N)

COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key

Press <CTRL>-<ALT>-<DEL> to continue...

The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.

11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium Pro.

Windows: Just another pane in the glass.

C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL

Buy a Pentium 586/200 so you can reboot even faster!

All computers wait at the same speed.

The new, improved 586 chips make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

Access denied--Nah nah na nah nah!

C:\> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

<---------- The information went data way ------------>

Shell to DOS... Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...

2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!

Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.

RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure!

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...

E Pluribus Modem

An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.

The name is Baud....., James Baud.

A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.

Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny.

BREAKFAST.COM Halted... Cereal Port Not Responding

Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.

Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.

E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.

A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.

All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.

Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.

Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? Y/N

This is a message from 'God' Gates: Rebooting the world. Please long off.

File not found. SHould I fake it? Y/N

FAT File not found. Try the SKINNY one?

Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on their way.

User error. Replace user.

WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL&PAPER.SYS)

Windows Message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"

Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"

Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.

I also love virus humor

http://antivirus.about.com/library/blfunny2.htm
http://antivirus.about.com/library/blfunny3.htm
http://www.bored.com/virushumor/index.htm

Was using Firefox...until Chrome took over.

One God, One Truth, One Savior-Jesus


#14 keyboardNinja

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Posted 27 January 2010 - 12:14 AM

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#15 teacup61

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Posted 27 January 2010 - 01:53 PM

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Please make a donation so I can keep helping people just like you.
Every little bit helps! :)
You can even use your credit card! Thank you!

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Error reading poptart in Drive A: Delete kids y/n?




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