Posted 17 June 2005 - 11:18 AM
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE- "If
you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just
My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that
will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:- "If you don't
straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
My mother taught me LOGIC- "Because I said so, that's
My Mother taught me LOGIC...#2 "If you fall out of that
swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store
My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear
clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep crying and I'll give
you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -"Shut
your mouth and eat your supper!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONIST - "Will you
"look" at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there
'till all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if
a tornado swept through your room."
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -
"If I yelled because I saw a truck coming toward you;
would you listen THEN?"
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told
you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought
you into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -
"Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions
of less fortunate children in this world who don't have
wonderful parents like you do!"
My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION... "Just wait
until we get home."
My Mother taught me about RECEIVING.... "You are going
to get it when we get home!"
My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE... "If you don't
stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD... "If you don't
pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."
My Mother taught me ESP... "Put your sweater on; don't
you think I know when you're cold?"
My mother taught me HUMOR - "When that lawn mower cuts
off your toes, don't come running to me."
My mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT - "If you
don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
My Mother taught me about GENETICS... "You're just like
My Mother taught me about my ROOTS... "Do you think
you were born in a barn?"
My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE... "When you
get to be my age, you will understand."
And my all time favorite... JUSTICE... "One day you'll
have kids ... and I hope they turn out just like you!"
Down in the bayou, Bubba called an attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suin' the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?
"Sure is Bubba. But why you asking?"
"Cause what I want to know is, I was thinking, can I sue Budweiser for all them ugly women I've slept with?"