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Jokes forum post your jokes or funny website


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#1 cowsgonemadd3

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Posted 25 July 2004 - 02:57 PM

I figured we all deserve to laugh so why not have a forum dedicated to funny websites and jokes. Or anything else funny. Submitt Submitt! LOL I like redneck jokes heres one thats kinda stupid but all redneck jokes are:





A redneck taped toilet paper to his television.
He said, "Hey, lookie here, now we have free paper view!"

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#2 cowsgonemadd3

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Posted 25 July 2004 - 03:08 PM

Heres a few more:

Family Reunion

You know your a redneck if you go to a family reunion looking for a girlfriend.



Redneck Marriage

How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck.


Toothbrush

Did you know the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia?

If it had been anywhere else, it would have been a TEETHbrush



:thumbsup:

#3 cowsgonemadd3

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Posted 25 July 2004 - 09:49 PM

Here is a very good joke. One of my favorites

A Letter From A Redneck Mother To Her Son

Dear Son,

I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since.

It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.

The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funderal bill, up she comes.

About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or a girl so don't know if you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safery. The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tail gate down.

Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.

Love, Ma

:thumbsup: :flowers: :trumpet:

#4 cowsgonemadd3

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Posted 25 July 2004 - 09:55 PM

Bad Drivers

There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, ''Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!''

Herman says, ''I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!''

#5 cowsgonemadd3

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Posted 25 July 2004 - 09:58 PM

Two hicks at a toy store

Two hicks brought home a puzzle one day, and sat down to solve it. A week later, they finished the puzzle.

"Well, that didn't take so durn long," said one of them.

"Naw, it didn't. 'Specially considering it says 3-5 years on the box."

#6 cowsgonemadd3

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Posted 25 July 2004 - 10:24 PM

Three Dumb Hunters

Three idiots decide to go hunting. The first one says he's going to get a buck. He goes out, and indeed comes back with a buck. The other two hunters ask how he did it. He says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get buck."

So the second hunter says that he's going to get a doe. And he does. They ask him how he did it, and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get doe."

So the third hunter says, "I'm just gonna shoot at anything I see."

So he goes out and comes back half a day later all beaten, bruised, bloody, and totally trashed. The other two hunters ask him what happened and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get hit by train!"

#7 cowsgonemadd3

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Posted 25 July 2004 - 10:32 PM

WINDERS 98

MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE:
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Georgia edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Georgia. If you have one of the Georgia editions you may need some help understanding the commands.

The Georgia edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen.

It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee super imposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver.

Also note:

Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse
My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption
Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys
Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard
Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive
Floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs.

Other features:

Instead of an error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.

OK = ats aww-right
cancel = hail no
reset = awa shoot
yes = shore
no = Naaaa
find = hunt-fer it
go to = over yonder
back = back yonder
help = hep me out here
stop = ternit off
start = crank it up
settings = sittins
programs = stuff that does stuff
documents = stuff I done done

Also note that winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to winders 98:

tiperiter................A word processor
colering book............a graphics program
addin mershene...........calculator
scratch paper ...........notepad
jupe-box ................CD Player
inner-net................Microsoft Explorer
pichers..................A graphics viewer
IRS......................M/S accounting software
IRS2.....................M/S accounting software with hidden files
coon dog.................American kennel club records
fishin...................Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records.
NRA......................National Rifle Association
shot gun ................Remington Arms price list
riffel...................Winchester price list
pisstel..................Smith & Wesson price list
truck....................Ford & Chevrolet dealers in GA. by zip code
house....................Nearest Mobil home repair service by zip code
car .....................same as truck, just need two lists in Texas
cuzzins..................family history usually a 3 meg file
tax records..............usually an empty file
shells...................ammunition inventory, another 3 meg file
bud......................list of Budwiser dealers by zip code
racin....................NASCAR racing schedule includes list of TV stations that carry the race car n' truck
Parts.......nearest Junk yard by zip code
doc .....................veterinarians by zip code

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the Georgia edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

#8 cowsgonemadd3

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Posted 25 July 2004 - 10:43 PM

In the back woods of Arkansas...

In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.

To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.

"Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's yet another wee one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby.

"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man... It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.

The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor. "Do ye think it's the light that's attractin' them?"

#9 Guest_brunt_*

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Posted 25 July 2004 - 11:03 PM

heres a funny one.



http://www.rathergood.com/vines/

#10 Scarlett

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Posted 25 July 2004 - 11:18 PM

http://www.rathergood.com/moon_song/ Another good one from rathergood. :thumbsup:
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Posted 25 July 2004 - 11:26 PM

And another. Supposed to be serious I think but I found it funny as heck!


http://www.aclu.org/pizza/index.html?orgid...904&MX=1414&H=1

#12 KoanYorel

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Posted 26 July 2004 - 01:10 PM

You're right - that is very funny piece for an ACLU promo.

The really sad thing is that most of that info is already available
via some simple INTERNET search engines that already exist.
(Although one has to pay fees to use some of them.)

:thumbsup:
The only easy day was yesterday.

...some do, some don't; some will, some won't (WR)

#13 tg1911

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Posted 26 July 2004 - 04:46 PM

Oh My GOD! This Is Me!

Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.


This is how it manifests:

I decide to wash my car.

As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the hall table.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trash can under the table, and
notice that the trash can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the trash anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left

My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk where I find the can of Coke
that I had been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't
accidentally knock it over.

I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep
i
t cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the coke a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye,
they need to be watered.

I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching
for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot
the TV remote.

Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't
remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it
belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day: the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm can of
Coke sitting on the counter, the flowers aren't watered, there is still only one check in my
checkbook, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did
with the car keys.

Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I
was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll
check my e-mail.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!

GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY.

GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL

LAUGHING AT YOURSELF IS THERAPEUTIC!

#14 cowsgonemadd3

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Posted 26 July 2004 - 04:59 PM

TG, Im not old but i do the same thing. When i come to this forum to post stuff to help other people i forget everything along the way. I will do the forum before anything. LOL its kinda funny. Because im not no where near old. LOL :thumbsup:

#15 tg1911

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Posted 26 July 2004 - 05:32 PM

CGM,
I'm rapidly approaching (to rapidly). LOL
MOBO: GIGABYTE GA-MA790X-UD4P, CPU: Phenom II X4 955 Deneb BE, HS/F: CoolerMaster V8, RAM: 2 x 1G Kingston HyperX DDR2 800, VGA: ECS GeForce Black GTX 560, PSU: Antec TruePower Modular 750W, Soundcard: Asus Xonar D1, Case: CoolerMaster COSMOS 1000, Storage: Internal - 2 x Seagate 250GB SATA, 2 x WD 1TB SATA; External - Seagate 500GB USB, WD 640GB eSATA, 3 x WD 1TB eSATA

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