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Computer Bloopers....


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#1 Rustendrage

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Posted 27 September 2007 - 09:24 AM

Received a mail from a friend:

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "Send" key.

4. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his bathtub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "Bad and an invalid." The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer." The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer-but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happened." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse...

8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, "What power switch?"

9. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" implied removing Disk 1 first.

10. A story from a Novell NetWire Sys Ops:

CALLER: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

TECH: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"

CALLER: "The cup holder on my PC is broken -and I am within my warranty
period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"

TECH: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"

CALLER: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

TECH: "Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"

CALLER: "It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."
At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand it.
He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of
the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and it had snapped it off the drive.

11. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under windows." The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine."

12. And last but not least:
TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the
same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the
letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."

CUSTOMER: "I don't have a 'P'".

TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob."

CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?"

TECH SUPPORT: “‘P’ on your keyboard, Bob."

CUSTOMER: "I'm not going to do that!"
Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

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#2 Sterling14

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Posted 27 September 2007 - 03:47 PM

Haha, thats quite funny. Are they really true though? I think maybe the any key could be true, but most of them sound way too dumb.
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." - Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943

#3 KoanYorel

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Posted 27 September 2007 - 03:59 PM

There are actually many worse, or even funnier stories.

I personally know a tech/retailer who called his supplier to complain about four notebooks he'd received that he could not get the batteries to charge up. He tried to do so over several days with no luck.

The rep from outside the USA asked my friend if he'd installed the batteries. Simple question.

Tech friend had bruises on his forehead for about two weeks.

He'd also thrown the batts away in the packing boxes days before.

I think his profit margin was very slim on those units.
The only easy day was yesterday.

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#4 ddeerrff

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Posted 27 September 2007 - 07:25 PM

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

I don't have a Compaq handy to check, but the Dells I have here do not have a 'Return key'. Which key should I press? :thumbsup:
Derfram
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#5 JohnWho

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Posted 27 September 2007 - 07:30 PM

If one plans to keep their computer

should they ever hit the "return" key?

:thumbsup:


I know you think you understand what you thought I said,
but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant!


#6 Andrew

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Posted 28 September 2007 - 10:15 PM

On a similar note,

I once pressed the "Enter" key on my keyboard. All I know is that I'd like the "Exit" now, please.

#7 JohnWho

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Posted 29 September 2007 - 08:26 AM

Welcome to the Hotel Computer, Amazing Andrew.

You can enter any time you want,

but you can never leave!


I know you think you understand what you thought I said,
but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant!


#8 Andrew

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Posted 29 September 2007 - 04:25 PM

*does a wicked guitar solo*

#9 lost_case

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Posted 29 September 2007 - 04:45 PM

:thumbsup:

Poor people...
Where do they get such ideas?
People live to learn, and learn to live...

#10 Platypus

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Posted 29 September 2007 - 09:02 PM

Do they remove the "Escape" key from all the computers in prisons?

Top 5 things that never get done:

1.


#11 MattV

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Posted 29 September 2007 - 10:53 PM

Do they remove the "Escape" key from all the computers in prisons?

They did, but the prisoners just started using the "break" key, instead.

I had a friend of mine ask me to come take a look at his computer because nothing was working any more. I figured it would turn out to be something simple, but he was right - the machine was FUBAR. So I started asking him what he'd been doing when the problem occurred. He told me that he'd been looking around with Windows Explorer, and kept seeing all of these files that ended with "dll". Since they didn't seem to do anything when he double-clicked on them, and they seemed to be taking up a lot of room, he'd done a search and then mass-deleted them all!!! Luckily for him, he had the CDs for re-installing the Operating System. I got him going again - but set myself up as administrator and blocked him from accessing anything he shouldn't mess with.

(A day or so later, he called me and told me he couldn't look at hidden files. I told him what I'd done. He got mad, hung up, installed the OS again. I simply told him, after that, that if he had any problems, call someone else.)

Edited by MattV, 29 September 2007 - 11:06 PM.


#12 rms4evr

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Posted 30 September 2007 - 07:50 PM

I had a friend of mine ask me to come take a look at his computer because nothing was working any more. I figured it would turn out to be something simple, but he was right - the machine was FUBAR. So I started asking him what he'd been doing when the problem occurred. He told me that he'd been looking around with Windows Explorer, and kept seeing all of these files that ended with "dll". Since they didn't seem to do anything when he double-clicked on them, and they seemed to be taking up a lot of room, he'd done a search and then mass-deleted them all!!! Luckily for him, he had the CDs for re-installing the Operating System. I got him going again - but set myself up as administrator and blocked him from accessing anything he shouldn't mess with.

(A day or so later, he called me and told me he couldn't look at hidden files. I told him what I'd done. He got mad, hung up, installed the OS again. I simply told him, after that, that if he had any problems, call someone else.)

What. A. Moron. :thumbsup:

I agree with you. If he's going to do something like that again, he should be on his own!




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