BleepingComputer.com: Mother-son Relationships

I know this is an odd topic to bring up... Even more so when it is an 18 year old son who brings it up, on a computer help website none-the-less, but I'm having a bit of trouble with connecting with my Mother. I can tell that she really doesn't enjoy being around me and when we talk she almost never has a reply. I guess I'm really just looking for help by asking what others think but I don't really want this topic to focus on just my problems.

So here's the thing. Tell me your ideas on what you think is good, bad, or necessary for a Mother-Son relationship to work... or at least not be so awkward. What exactly is a healthy Mother-Son relationship once the son has turned into an adult and is beginning to take on life on its own terms?

Any sort of input would be nice, even if it doesn't help this could end up being an interesting topic for some of us.

Thanks for the insight.
-Wlkingman

I would have to say, that in any relationship, one of the main things is to keep the line of communication open. Listen carefully to what is being put forward so that discussions can be reasoned and helpful.

No discussion - No resolution.

All the best.

This is a very interesting question Wlkingman

I do not know if I can really help although I can talk about this subject. I have 2 sons. One is just beginning to grow up and be a man. He just recently got himself a full time job and has been in a technical school for a year now almost. I have a lot of respect for my eldest son. He always was a good boy, even when he was little. He never much needed my help in school and was always pretty much a go-getter. Over the years I have grown to expect the best from him. That's because he is gifted and some things just come easy for him. That is rather a lucky thing for him and is something he will build on as he matures. he still lives at home now, but when he moves out I hope that he and I can maintain a good relationship together and not let time and distance take hold. In the main I have faith that he loves me and will always want to be around me. When he was growing up I was ALWAYS with him, as I was a stay at home Mom for his whole childhood. He is used to having me to kick around I guess. LOL

I'm rambling I know, and I do not really know what my point is.

My youngest son is just going to be beginning High School next fall if he passes this year. He has a much more difficult time with school. Last year he did summer school.. and he liked it entirely too much. LOL
When I found out I was pregnant for him I cried and cried because I was daunted by the thought of childbirth again. But that passed and now I am glad he is around. He is the charmer, the charismatic one and seems to get by on wits and charm. if only he would use his wits for school though. LOL

I like to think I have good relationships with my sons.. healthy ones. I do not play guilt games like SOME mothers do. I do show alot of affection and hugs are always welcome here in my home. I like to think as a Mom I have raised good sons that will be good people when they are grown. Time will tell.

Wlkingman, the most important thing I think between a mother and son is the same thing we all should practice with each other. Reaching out and communicating. Be available.. maybe things are a little strained with your Mom.. try to ease it gradually. I hope I have helped. I really just am a Mom that does the best she can. I like to think most Moms do.. some do not though.

WlkingMan, on May 15 2007, 07:47 AM, said:

This is not trying to flame you 'WlkingMan'but this is how I see it.
Reading all your Posts,I can understand why your Mother is having a hard time connecting with you.
You haven't been a Model Son which any Mother dreams of. I would guess you previously had a good relationship with your Mother,but due to paths you have taken in life,she would be hurting.
You can't force a Mother to reconnect,just because you are ready.My advice is you yourself have to earn the love and respect from your Mother once again.Now, you have to be patient till her hurting stops and is ready to reconnect again.This I believe will be restored quicker if you don't force the issue. Just my thoughts.

I also had some troubled times with both of my parents. Now, with just my mom left, I hug her everytime I show up to see her, and when I leave. We talk about most everything, I avoid talking about subjects one or the other is touchy about. Such as religion, ghosts, some relatives....
In other words, if your mother is not as conspiracy inclined as you are, don't try to convince her. Talk about things you both enjoy, maybe reading, TV shows, and build from there.

Wildabeast, on May 16 2007, 03:50 PM, said:

Wise advice you have given,'Wilderbeast'. I have a special Bond with my Mother who has just turned 86 yrs.
I also won't discuss touchy subjects, and let her talk about the things and memories that makes her happy.
I am dreading the day when my Dear Mother passes on.

DSTM, on May 15 2007, 11:46 PM, said:

It is ok. I understand that I have probably been one of the worst case scenarios for a son. I've been clean of everything for over half a year now, and am planning to join the military. I've already spoken to my recruiter.

The thing is though, that growing up I never saw much of her. We can both blame my father for that. She hardly ever left her room. I only saw her when she was trying to get away from my father, as did all of us in the house, And the occasional time when my father brought home some Ex.... I'm not going to get into that.

The only time we ever really communicated was when we left when I was 16. That only lasted a couple of weeks though. Then she fell back to her shy, Fragile state of mind. She does this with everyone. I admit she has gotten alot better after the first year without my father but she doesn't like confrontations with anyone. Her sister tried to kill her husband about a year ago, immediately after we left to move in with her current Boyfriend. The odd thing is that her sister is the only one she ever talks to. I can see that it is her sister... I would imagine it hard to stop communicating with her, but everyone who has ever met her, including her other sisters, would say that she is extremely unstable. She often suggests the oddest things to my Mom which I can see as only furthering the damage to her current relationship.

I fear that it may never happen. We've never really communicated and I'm afraid it will stay like that.

This post has been edited by WlkingMan: 16 May 2007 - 10:22 AM

If she knows how you feel about her, and you explain that you want to communicate and fix issues you have had....she may be receptive to a genuine "reconnection".

The best thing for you to do is to keep a straightened life and honor her in the things you do...let her know that you appreciate her...whether or not there is anything to appreciate, you must because she is your mother.

Many people are offended by the Word of God, but it says...an encouraging word lifts a mans heart. (woman.) Keep in mind that encouragement and optimism will produce results.

I am happy to hear that you are cleaning up your life, and that is admirable. I also appreciate your willingness to look into the military. Just remember as long as there is a breath from you and from her...there is always hope.

jwinathome, on May 16 2007, 11:37 AM, said:

Thank you for your encuraging words. Obviously we are dissagreeing a bit in the other forum but lets not have that turn into bloodlust. lol.

Thanks to the rest of you as well. You have all been a great help, and hopefully things will get better.

Hey you know...sometimes disagreements produce results.

Nothing wrong with an intelligent discussion.