 The Funny Bone Take 2 |
Welcome Guest ( Log In | Click here to Register a free account now! )
Register a free account to unlock additional features at BleepingComputer.com
Welcome to Bleeping Computer, a free community where people like yourself come together to discuss and learn how to use their computers. Using the site is easy and fun. As a guest, you can browse and view the various discussions in the forums, but can not create a new topic or reply to an existing one unless you are logged in. Other benefits of registering an account are subscribing to topics and forums, creating a blog, and having no ads shown anywhere on the site.  |
 Apr 8 2007, 10:44 AM
Post
#61
|
|
 Distinguished Member  Group: MRU Student Posts: 800 Joined: 24-February 07 From: liverpool,england Member No.: 113,729  |
 two snowmen in a field one says to the other :can you smell carrots man walks in to a bar says:ow it was an iron bar
-------------------- god my head hurts.
if you don't ask ,you don't know  I am in training at Malware Removal University - You too could train to help others Visit Bleeping computers sister site THOUGHTVENT -Its the place to be |
 |
 
|
|
Apr 11 2007, 10:08 AM
Post
#62
|
|
 "Bleepin' Aussie Addict" Group: Members Posts: 1,920 Joined: 14-October 06 From: SYDNEY-AUSTRALIA Member No.: 90,018 |
The mystery has been solved.
 http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_sep2006/WomansMind.htm --------------------  I once had a life.. now I have the Internet... |
|
|
|
|
Apr 11 2007, 10:16 AM
Post
#63
|
|
 Distinguished Member Group: Members Posts: 809 Joined: 9-May 06 From: PCLinuxOS Land Member No.: 67,460 |
Much simpler than I would have guessed
-------------------- "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." "Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster"  |
|
|
|
|
Apr 11 2007, 10:18 AM
Post
#64
|
|
 Bleepin' Conundrum Group: Global Moderator Posts: 8,626 Joined: 26-April 04 From: 65 miles due East of the "Logic Free Zone", in Md, USA Member No.: 235 |
Not intended to malign any,
but I think I just became autistic watching that. Or maybe it's late blooming ... umm, uh, oh rats! I forget. -------------------- |
|
|
|
|
Apr 11 2007, 10:37 AM
Post
#65
|
|
 To INSANITY and BEYOND !! Group: Moderator Posts: 8,191 Joined: 10-September 04 From: NJ USA Member No.: 2,608 |
Thanks,I got it now. The fourteenth posiyion cleared it all for me..
-------------------- Can you spare some PC cycles to help FIND A CURE .. BC FOLDING TEAM Click me /info..
ThoughtVent a goodplace to discuss.<<>>>Staying Updated Calendar of Updates. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.... |
|
|
|
|
Apr 12 2007, 09:49 AM
Post
#66
|
|
 New Member Group: Members Posts: 5 Joined: 5-April 07 Member No.: 122,314 |
Three small girls, ask their father about their names.
The first girl, Rose, asks her dad why she is called rose. Well, he says, when you were small a rose petal fell on your head so we named you Rose. The second girl, Lily, asks why she is called Lily. The father replys, it's because when you were a little girl, a lily petal fell on your head, so we named you lily. The third girl, wanting to join in, says; "MMMAAHH MWAAH AAAREE BWAAHH" to which the dad says to the third child "Shut up Fridge!" |
|
|
|
|
Apr 12 2007, 10:20 PM
Post
#67
|
|
|
Distinguished Member Group: Members Posts: 809 Joined: 9-May 06 From: PCLinuxOS Land Member No.: 67,460 |
Song Hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers.
1. Herman's Hermits--- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker. 2. The Bee Gees--- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip. 3. Bobby Darin--- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash. 4. Ringo Starr--- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends. 5. Roberta Flack--- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face. 6. Johnny Nash--- I Can't See Clearly Now. 7. Paul Simon--- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver. 8. The Commodores--- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom. 9. Marvin Gaye--- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts. 10. Procol Harem--- A Whiter Shade of Hair. 11. Leo Sayer--- You Make Me Feel Like Napping. 12. The Temptations--- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone. 13. Abba--- Denture Queen. 14. Tony Orlando--- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall. 15. Helen Reddy--- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore. 16. Willie Nelson--- On the Commode Again 17. Leslie Gore--- It's My Procedure and I'll Cry If I Want To. -------------------- "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." "Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster" |
|
|
|
|
Apr 14 2007, 04:04 AM
Post
#68
|
|
 aut viam inveniam aut faciam Group: Members Posts: 3,510 Joined: 14-November 06 From: Ossendrecht/The Netherlands Member No.: 95,557 |
My Mother
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates." About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Julie said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner." Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom" --------------------  Free antivirus : AVG Free Free Anti-spyware AVG Anti Spyware Free Firewall :Zone Alarm Ccleaner Ad aware & Manual SpybotS&D&Manual Free Handy programs |
|
|
|
|
Apr 15 2007, 03:04 PM
Post
#69
|
|
|
Bleepin' Conundrum Group: Global Moderator Posts: 8,626 Joined: 26-April 04 From: 65 miles due East of the "Logic Free Zone", in Md, USA Member No.: 235 |
A Lady from a southern area of USA, whose husband had just died went to the little town newspaper to put his obituary in the paper.
The editor said publishing the obituary would cost 50 cents a word. Let it read: "Bubba Bill Smythe III died," the widow said. The editor replied: "But there's a seven-word minimum for obituaries." "Well then," the widow said, without missing a beat, "let it read:" "Bubba died. 1984 pickup for $1000 cash." 
-------------------- |
|
|
|
|
Apr 20 2007, 09:42 AM
Post
#70
|
|
 **pixie in training** Group: Members Posts: 1,853 Joined: 13-November 06 From: Honolulu, Hawaii Member No.: 95,371 |
A Cajun named Jean Paul moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I got some bad news. The donkey died." "Well then, just give me my money back." "I can't do that. I went and spent it already." "OK then, just unload the donkey." "What ya gonna do with em." "I'm gonna raffle him off." "Ya can't raffle off a dead donkey!" "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anyone he's dead." A month later the farmer met up with the Cajun and asked, "What happened with the dead donkey?" "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2 apiece and made a profit of $898." "Didn't anyone complain?" "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $2 back." ** One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed Little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said quietly, "Good morning, son." "Good morning, pastor," replied the young man not taking his eyes off the plaque. "Sir, what is this?" Johnny asked. "Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service," replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque. Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, "Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30?" --------------------   I search for Sjogrens Syndrome Foundation...Who will you search for? |
|
|
|
|
Apr 21 2007, 06:40 AM
Post
#71
|
|
|
"Bleepin' Aussie Addict" Group: Members Posts: 1,920 Joined: 14-October 06 From: SYDNEY-AUSTRALIA Member No.: 90,018 |
Absentee notes from Parents with loose Vowels.
1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him. 2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent she was sick and I had her shot. 3. Dear school: please excuse john being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33. 4. Please excuse Gloria from jim today. She is administrating. 5. Please excuse Roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. 6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. 7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part. 8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins. 9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side. 10. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels. 11. Please excuse Leslie from being absent yesterday. She had diahre dyrea direathe the bleeps. 12. Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak. 13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust. 14. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault. 15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear. 16. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday we thought it was Sunday. 17. Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral. 18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines. 19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well. 20. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps. 21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover. 22. Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor. -------------------- I once had a life.. now I have the Internet... |
|
|
|
|
Apr 21 2007, 09:52 AM
Post
#72
|
|
|
To INSANITY and BEYOND !! Group: Moderator Posts: 8,191 Joined: 10-September 04 From: NJ USA Member No.: 2,608 |
Funny Funny
Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak. 
-------------------- Can you spare some PC cycles to help FIND A CURE .. BC FOLDING TEAM Click me /info..
ThoughtVent a goodplace to discuss.<<>>>Staying Updated Calendar of Updates. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.... |
|
|
|
|
Apr 22 2007, 07:00 PM
Post
#73
|
|
|
Distinguished Member Group: Members Posts: 809 Joined: 9-May 06 From: PCLinuxOS Land Member No.: 67,460 |
QUOTE(boopme @ Apr 21 2007, 10:52 AM)  Funny Funny Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak. I hate when that happens
-------------------- "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." "Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster" |
|
|
|
|
Apr 23 2007, 08:44 PM
Post
#74
|
|
 Forum Regular Group: Members Posts: 188 Joined: 20-March 06 From: Ontario, Canada Member No.: 60,083 |
Here is the latest offering from the geniuses at Apple,
They call it the iBreast available at 2 price points $499 and $599 USD depending on size. When asked where this idea came from Apple's CEO stated that after extensive studies of several demographic groups it was put into production. The reason for this new development? A survey of 100 women stated that they were tired of men constantly looking at their breasts and not listening to them.
-------------------- When life hands you lemons squeeze the lemon juice right in his eye!
|
|
|
|
|
Apr 24 2007, 01:03 AM
Post
#75
|
|
 Forum Regular Group: Members Posts: 261 Joined: 10-March 07 Member No.: 116,560 |
Oh! Baloo, I could comment but I'm afraid that what my beaddy little mind would come up with would get me banned forever, wicked woman that I am!!!
 Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: " Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?" Slim says,"I feel just like a newborn baby." "Really? Like a newborn baby!" "Yep. No hair,no teeth,and I think I just wet my pants."
-------------------- Tell me and I forget ;Show me and I may remember;involve me and I"ll understand.
|
|
|
|
|
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:
| Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: 7th September 2008 - 02:39 AM |
© 2003-2008 All Rights Reserved Bleeping Computer LLC.