 The Funny Bone Take 2 |
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 Aug 1 2007, 12:37 PM
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#136
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Forum Addict  Group: Members Posts: 3,282 Joined: 14-April 06 Member No.: 64,042  |
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well: Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God." THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+. |
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Aug 1 2007, 01:26 PM
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#137
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 To INSANITY and BEYOND !! Group: Moderator Posts: 8,655 Joined: 10-September 04 From: NJ USA Member No.: 2,608 |
HA HA HA HA one of the funniest things i ever read thanks buddy215
-------------------- Can you spare some PC cycles to help FIND A CURE .. BC FOLDING TEAM Click me /info..
ThoughtVent a goodplace to discuss.<<>>>Staying Updated Calendar of Updates. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.... |
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Aug 2 2007, 06:37 AM
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#138
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Forum Addict Group: Members Posts: 3,282 Joined: 14-April 06 Member No.: 64,042 |
Hey Boopme--I thought about posting it in the Evolution/Creation debate topic but since I couldn't verify the "origin" I decided not to "create" another controversy. It is funny as hell, though.
This post has been edited by buddy215: Aug 2 2007, 06:39 AM |
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Aug 2 2007, 03:46 PM
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#139
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To INSANITY and BEYOND !! Group: Moderator Posts: 8,655 Joined: 10-September 04 From: NJ USA Member No.: 2,608 |
Yeah buddy215...careful that's how cults get started ....LOL
-------------------- Can you spare some PC cycles to help FIND A CURE .. BC FOLDING TEAM Click me /info..
ThoughtVent a goodplace to discuss.<<>>>Staying Updated Calendar of Updates. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.... |
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Aug 14 2007, 02:28 AM
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#140
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 Forum Regular Group: Members Posts: 341 Joined: 5-April 07 From: In front of my laptop. Member No.: 122,269 |
I got a Star Trek joke for ya you might have heard:
Why did Data shoot Riker? Because Picard said "fire at will!" Hahaha! -------------------- When I'm asking for help, please explain, in detail, every step. Thank you :).
 "Fact is what the individual makes it, but truth, is an absolute, of which, we can barely glimpse." J.E.B. I have nightmares about computer glitches and bugs. |
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Aug 14 2007, 06:58 PM
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#141
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 Distinguished Member Group: Members Posts: 827 Joined: 9-May 06 From: PCLinuxOS Land Member No.: 67,460 |
I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day, 'cause you just know it's gonna be up all night ....... -------------------- "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." "Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster"  |
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Aug 25 2007, 04:21 AM
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#142
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 Distinguished Member Group: Members Posts: 737 Joined: 18-September 06 From: Nebraska Member No.: 86,034 |
A cowboy goes into a bar and orders a beer. Soon a woman sits next to him and says "Are you a real cowboy?"
The cowboy drawls, "I've got the boots, the hat, I work on a ranch punchin cows, brandin cows, so yeah, I'm a real cowboy." She says, "I'm a lesbian, I sleep and I dream of women, I wake up and think of women, I take a shower and think of women, I go to work and think of women all day." Soon she leaves. A little while later a man sits down and asks, "Are you a real cowboy?" The cowboy thinks for a minute and says, "I thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian." edit spelling... This post has been edited by Wildabeast: Aug 25 2007, 04:22 AM -------------------- "If a man is not free, then I, too, am a small pie made of chicken." From "Thoughts" by Bouffant.
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Aug 25 2007, 02:15 PM
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#143
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Forum Regular Group: Members Posts: 341 Joined: 5-April 07 From: In front of my laptop. Member No.: 122,269 |
QUOTE(Wildabeast @ Aug 25 2007, 02:21 AM)  A cowboy goes into a bar and orders a beer. Soon a woman sits next to him and says "Are you a real cowboy?" The cowboy drawls, "I've got the boots, the hat, I work on a ranch punchin cows, brandin cows, so yeah, I'm a real cowboy." She says, "I'm a lesbian, I sleep and I dream of women, I wake up and think of women, I take a shower and think of women, I go to work and think of women all day." Soon she leaves. A little while later a man sits down and asks, "Are you a real cowboy?" The cowboy thinks for a minute and says, "I thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian." edit spelling... I saw the punchline after she gives her speech. Still funny though  .
-------------------- When I'm asking for help, please explain, in detail, every step. Thank you :).
"Fact is what the individual makes it, but truth, is an absolute, of which, we can barely glimpse." J.E.B. I have nightmares about computer glitches and bugs. |
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Sep 1 2007, 02:27 PM
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#144
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 Forum Addict Group: BC Advisor Posts: 1,875 Joined: 25-November 04 From: Finland Member No.: 5,870 |
Did you hear the one about the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist? He was repossessed.
-------------------- "Anyone who cannot form a community with others, or who does not need to because he is self-sufficient [...] is either a beast or a god." Aristotle
AMD Athlon 64 X2 4400+ | ASUS A8N-SLI Deluxe | 2GB Corsair TWINX2048-3500LLPRO | Gigabyte GeForce 8800GTX | Creative SoundBlaster Audigy 2 ZS | ASUS PhysX P1 | Logitech G15 | Logitech MX Revolution | LG Flatron L2000C | Logitech Z-5500 Digital Stubborn attempts to think clearly |
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Sep 1 2007, 03:31 PM
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#145
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 "Bleepin' Aussie Addict" Group: Members Posts: 1,936 Joined: 14-October 06 From: SYDNEY-AUSTRALIA Member No.: 90,018 |
Three guys die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven...don't step on the ducks." So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman he ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly woman!" The next day, the second guy steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter , who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly woman. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first guy. The third guy has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY careful where he steps. He manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to him with the most gorgeous woman he has ever laid eyes on...a very tall, tan, curvaceous, sexy blonde. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The guy remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" The woman replies, "I don't know about you but I stepped on a duck" --------------------  I once had a life.. now I have the Internet... |
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Sep 2 2007, 12:47 PM
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#146
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arachibutyrophobia Group: BC Advisor Posts: 4,377 Joined: 4-March 05 From: Northern CA. Member No.: 13,532 |
Three men die in their sleep and wake up in line at St. Peter's gate, St. Peter asks the first man "did you ever cheat on your wife?" to which the man replies "yes, three times", St. Peter checks his great book and finds that the man is telling the truth. St. Peter hands the man a key and tells him to go through the gate, on the other side of the gate the man finds a late model economy car, he climbs in, starts the engine and drives away.
The second man steps forward and St. Peter asks him the same question, the man replies "yes sir, nine times", St. Peter gives him the eye and consults his great book and sure enough the guy had told the truth, St. Peter hands him a key and tells him to go through the gate. On the other side of the gate he finds an old beat up dirty Volkswagen, He climbs in and after several minutes manages to get it started and drives off. The third man steps forward and St. Peter asks him the same question, the man replies "no, I have never cheated on my wife", St. Peters checks his great book and finds that he too has told the truth. St. Peter hands him a key and tells him to go through the gate. On the other side of the gate is a brand new chauffeur driven limo with every amenity that a person could ask for, the chauffeur lets him into the rear and drives away. A week later all three of these men run into each other at a four way stop, the first guy says "this is great, I can drive ever where in this little economy model", the second man says "yeah this is great, I guess it could have been worse than this clunker", the third man is in tears and both of the other men don't understand why he is so upset, after all he has the best ride of them all, so the first man asks him "what's wrong?", the third man replies "I just saw my wife, and she's on roller skates. -------------------- Supposing is good, but finding out is better. -Mark Twain
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Sep 5 2007, 10:32 PM
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#147
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Distinguished Member Group: Members Posts: 827 Joined: 9-May 06 From: PCLinuxOS Land Member No.: 67,460 |
QUOTE(Mr Alpha @ Sep 1 2007, 03:27 PM) Did you hear the one about the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist? He was repossessed. I Hate when that happens  QUOTE(DSTM @ Sep 1 2007, 04:31 PM) .....The woman replies, "I don't know about you but I stepped on a duck" QUOTE(dc3 @ Sep 2 2007, 01:47 PM) ..... the third man replies "I just saw my wife, and she's on roller skates.
-------------------- "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." "Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster" |
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Sep 10 2007, 10:19 PM
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#148
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 Member Group: Members Posts: 20 Joined: 27-August 07 From: Canada Member No.: 152,945 |
A newfie calls the RCMP "Hello is the the RCMP?? I'm calling about my neigbour Billy Bob Smith. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood!"
The next day the RCMP descends on Billy Bob's house and search the shed where the firewood is kept. They bust open every piece of firewood, but find no marijuana. They apologize to Billy Bob and leave. The phone rings at Billy Bob's.. "Hey Billy Bob, did the RCMP come to your house?" "Yep" "Did they chop all your firewood?" "Yep" "Happy Birthday Buddy!" This post has been edited by TMacK: Sep 10 2007, 11:20 PM
Reason for edit: Moved topic to more appropriate forum
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Sep 22 2007, 11:29 AM
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#149
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 Bleepin' Conundrum Group: Global Moderator Posts: 8,853 Joined: 26-April 04 From: 65 miles due East of the "Logic Free Zone", in Md, USA Member No.: 235 |
For those of you old enough to have enjoyed Abbott & Costello's "Who's on first" routine, here's how the two great comedians might have updated their act for the 21st century:
ABBOTT: Hello, Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking of buying my first computer. ABBOTT: Mac? COSTELLO: No, the name is Bud. ABBOTT: Your computer? COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one. ABBOTT: Mac? COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Bud. ABBOTT: What about Windows? COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy? ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows? COSTELLO: I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows? ABBOTT: Wallpaper. COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software. ABBOTT: Software that runs on Windows? COSTELLO: No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got? ABBOTT: Office. COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything? ABBOTT: I just did. COSTELLO: You just did what? ABBOTT: Recommend something. COSTELLO: You recommended something? ABBOTT: Yes. COSTELLO: For my office? ABBOTT: Yes. COSTELLO: Okay, what did you recommend for my office? ABBOTT: Office. COSTELLO: Yes, for my office. ABBOTT: Office for Windows. COSTELLO: I already have an office and it already has windows! Let's say I'm sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I need? ABBOTT: Word. COSTELLO: If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of words. But what program do I load? ABBOTT: Word. COSTELLO: What word? ABBOTT: The Word in Office. COSTELLO: The only word in "office" is "office." ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows. COSTELLO: Which word in "office for windows"? ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue W. COSTELLO: I'm going to click your big blue W if you don't give me a straight answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I need if I want to watch a movie over the Internet? ABBOTT: RealOne. COSTELLO: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. But what do I need to watch it? ABBOTT: RealOne. COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two, three, and four. Can I watch reel four? ABBOTT: Of course. COSTELLO: Great! With what? ABBOTT: RealOne. COSTELLO: Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do? ABBOTT: You click the blue 1. COSTELLO: I click the blue one what? ABBOTT: The blue 1. COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W? ABBOTT: Of course it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue W is Word. COSTELLO: What word? ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows. COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"! ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world. COSTELLO: It is? ABBOTT: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words. COSTELLO: And that word is the real one? ABBOTT: No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even part of Office. COSTELLO: Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again. But I also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do you have to help me track my money? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: I need money to track my money? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: Money comes bundled with my computer? ABBOTT: Exactly. No extra charge. COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge? How much money do I get? ABBOTT: Just one copy. COSTELLO: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal? ABBOTT: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money. COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money? ABBOTT: Why not? They own it. COSTELLO: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll still need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money? ABBOTT: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago. COSTELLO: Well, what do you sell in its place? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: You sell money? ABBOTT: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free. COSTELLO: That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business. Do you have any software for, you know, accounting? ABBOTT: Simply Accounting. COSTELLO: Probably, but it might get a little complicated. ABBOTT: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B. COSTELLO: M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for? ABBOTT: Mind Your Own Business. COSTELLO: I beg your pardon? ABBOTT: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B. COSTELLO: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business. You know -- accounting? You do it with money. ABBOTT: Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more. COSTELLO: More money? ABBOTT: More than Money. Money can't do everything. COSTELLO: I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money for the moment. I'm worried that my computer might... what's the word? Crash. And if my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data? ABBOTT: GoBack. COSTELLO: Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and I need something to restore my data. What do you recommend? ABBOTT: GoBack. COSTELLO: How many times do I have to repeat myself? ABBOTT: I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was GoBack. COSTELLO: How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere? Okay, I'll go back. What do I need to write a proposal? ABBOTT: Word. COSTELLO: But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal. ABBOTT: No, you only need one Word -- the Word in Office for Windows. COSTELLO: But there's three words in . . . Oh, never mind. *click* ABBOTT: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me? Oh, well... Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you? -------------------- |
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Oct 14 2007, 04:29 PM
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#150
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 Feed me some spyware! Group: Members Posts: 4,535 Joined: 18-July 04 From: USA Ware Shoals SC Member No.: 1,500 |
You know whats so funny about reading two "Funny bone" threads on bleepingcomputer?
The jokes get repeated over and over. -------------------- The fool says in his heart,"There is no God."They are corrupt, and their ways are vile;there is no one who does good. (Psalm 14:1; 53:1)
"The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork" (Psalms 19:1) If you were to die today where would you go? Learn how to go to heaven today click here! Come check out my new blog!! -Austin Z If we are what we eat then I am fried,greasy and 99 cents.(nah I eat healthy most of the time) |
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