 The Funny Bone Take 2 |
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 Jul 6 2007, 07:15 PM
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#121
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 Distinguished Member  Group: Members Posts: 806 Joined: 9-May 06 From: PCLinuxOS Land Member No.: 67,460  |
QUOTE(Juggler @ Jul 5 2007, 08:43 PM)  The only thing that investigators could ascertain was that he was trying to make a "Dahmer-nose" pizza.  I hear Dahmers Lawyer charged him "an arm and a leg".....
-------------------- "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." "Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster"  |
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Jul 8 2007, 03:36 AM
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#122
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Member Group: Members Posts: 24 Joined: 14-November 06 Member No.: 95,733 |
 the joke that keeps on giving!
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Jul 8 2007, 09:11 AM
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#123
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 To INSANITY and BEYOND !! Group: Moderator Posts: 8,137 Joined: 10-September 04 From: NJ USA Member No.: 2,608 |
QUOTE(no one @ Jul 6 2007, 08:15 PM) QUOTE(Juggler @ Jul 5 2007, 08:43 PM) The only thing that investigators could ascertain was that he was trying to make a "Dahmer-nose" pizza. I hear Dahmers Lawyer charged him "an arm and a leg"..... Does it matter ? He already bit off more than he could chew. 
This post has been edited by boopme: Jul 8 2007, 09:12 AM -------------------- Can you spare some PC cycles to help FIND A CURE .. BC FOLDING TEAM Click me /info..
ThoughtVent a goodplace to discuss.<<>>>Staying Updated Calendar of Updates. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.... |
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Jul 8 2007, 01:33 PM
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#124
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 "Bleepin' Aussie Addict" Group: Members Posts: 1,920 Joined: 14-October 06 From: SYDNEY-AUSTRALIA Member No.: 90,018 |
Dahmer used body parts to brew his own beer. Trouble was, when you poured it
out, it had no head.  --------------------  I once had a life.. now I have the Internet... |
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Jul 8 2007, 01:48 PM
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#125
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Distinguished Member Group: Members Posts: 806 Joined: 9-May 06 From: PCLinuxOS Land Member No.: 67,460 |
a touching song from Pinkard and Bowden ,not for the squeamish (sung to the tune of "I got friends in low places" by Garth brooks)
Ballad of Jeffery Dahmer http://www.hotlyrics.net/lyrics/P/Pinkard_...awl_Spaces.html (better link) This post has been edited by no one: Jul 8 2007, 02:04 PM -------------------- "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." "Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster" |
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Jul 10 2007, 04:02 AM
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#126
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 Just enough info to be armed & dangerous... Group: Members Posts: 1,862 Joined: 18-March 06 From: St Kilda, Dunedin. South Island. NZ Member No.: 59,805 |
Help me to always give 100% at work... 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, 5% on Fridays.
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 Jul 10 2007, 04:18 AM
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#127
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Just enough info to be armed & dangerous... Group: Members Posts: 1,862 Joined: 18-March 06 From: St Kilda, Dunedin. South Island. NZ Member No.: 59,805 |
News item
 With the high rate of attacks on women in secluded parking lots, especially during evening hours, the Melbourne City Council has established a "Women Only" parking lot. Even the parking lot attendants are exclusively female so that a comfortable and safe environment is created for patrons. Please find attached the first picture available of this world-first parking lot in Australia:  (now I'm off to hide.LOL) -------------------- |
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Jul 10 2007, 04:22 AM
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#128
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"Bleepin' Aussie Addict" Group: Members Posts: 1,920 Joined: 14-October 06 From: SYDNEY-AUSTRALIA Member No.: 90,018 |
Good one 
-------------------- I once had a life.. now I have the Internet... |
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Jul 14 2007, 11:03 AM
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#129
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"Bleepin' Aussie Addict" Group: Members Posts: 1,920 Joined: 14-October 06 From: SYDNEY-AUSTRALIA Member No.: 90,018 |
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In the year 2006, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Australia and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. You need to build another Ark and have 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans. You have 6 months to build the Ark before I start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights". Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark. "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark? "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I've violated the neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the development Appeal Board for a decision. Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they wouldn't listen. Then I had problems getting the wood. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save an endangered species of bandicoot. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the bandicoots - but no go! When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sue me for confining wild animals against their will. They said it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. Then the local council ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an Environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many indigenous people I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. The Immigration department is checking the status of most of the people who want to work and I've even had a letter from Amanda Vanstone asking about my ethnic background! The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience. To make matters worse, the Taxation department has seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark. Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?" "No," said the Lord. "The Government beat me to it." -------------------- I once had a life.. now I have the Internet... |
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Jul 15 2007, 12:44 PM
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#130
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Distinguished Member Group: Members Posts: 806 Joined: 9-May 06 From: PCLinuxOS Land Member No.: 67,460 |
On the outskirts of town, there was a big old pecan tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucket full of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me said one boy. Two were dropped and rolled down toward the fence. Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "one for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." He just knew what it was. "Oh my," he shuddered, "it's Satan and the Lord dividing the souls at the cemetery. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard. Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up souls." The man said, "Beat it kid. Can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted, though, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "one for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." The old man whispered "Boy, you've been telling the truth. Let's see if we can see the devil himself." Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of Satan. At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. And last one for you. That's all. Now let's go get those two nuts by the fence, and we'll be done." They say the old guy made it back to town 5 minutes before the boy. -------------------- "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." "Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster" |
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Jul 15 2007, 03:50 PM
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#131
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 Senior Member Group: Members Posts: 498 Joined: 28-July 04 Member No.: 1,719 |
 par excellent!!! 
-------------------- Talent is a flame. Genius is a fire.
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Jul 25 2007, 11:57 AM
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#132
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 Bleepin' Mod Group: Moderator Posts: 4,347 Joined: 11-April 04 Member No.: 108 |
  -------------------- Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight. ~ Benjamin Franklin |
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 Jul 26 2007, 02:22 AM
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#133
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Just enough info to be armed & dangerous... Group: Members Posts: 1,862 Joined: 18-March 06 From: St Kilda, Dunedin. South Island. NZ Member No.: 59,805 |
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street using his mouth to start the flow , he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
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Jul 26 2007, 07:40 PM
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#134
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 **pixie in training** Group: Members Posts: 1,853 Joined: 13-November 06 From: Honolulu, Hawaii Member No.: 95,371 |
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?" "What dear?" She asked gently. "I think you bring me bad luck." ***** A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available. The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man looked horrified and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!" "Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then." So they brought the second man to the same door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes; then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her; I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job." "No," the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Now they only had the woman left to test. They led her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances; this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing, one shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, thrashing, and banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes; then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat the SOB to death with the chair!" --------------------   I search for Sjogrens Syndrome Foundation...Who will you search for? |
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Jul 26 2007, 07:45 PM
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#135
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"Bleepin' Aussie Addict" Group: Members Posts: 1,920 Joined: 14-October 06 From: SYDNEY-AUSTRALIA Member No.: 90,018 |
Excellento.
-------------------- I once had a life.. now I have the Internet... |
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