 The Funny Bone Take 2 |
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Welcome to Bleeping Computer, a free community where people like yourself come together to discuss and learn how to use their computers. Using the site is easy and fun. As a guest, you can browse and view the various discussions in the forums, but can not create a new topic or reply to an existing one unless you are logged in. Other benefits of registering an account are subscribing to topics and forums, creating a blog, and having no ads shown anywhere on the site.| Important Announcement: The winners of the BC Million Post contest have been announced. You can read who the winners are at this post. - BleepingComputer Management |
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 Jun 23 2007, 08:02 PM
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#106
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 Distinguished Member  Group: Members Posts: 843 Joined: 9-May 06 From: PCLinuxOS Land Member No.: 67,460  |
a older Gentleman decides that He wants a Corvette , as he has always wanted one and then Takes it out on the Highway "to see what it will do " he hits 60...70...80..90..100..just as he hits 110 a cop pulls up behind him and he decides "I can out run him" and punches it . Bad news, the Cop is in a "Highway Special" pursuit car and stays with him to 150 at which time the man decides "this is crazy , what the heck am I doing" and pulls over . the Cop walks up to the new corvette and says "nice car, I was just heading home , so if you can give me a really good reason why you didn't stop back there I'll let you go with a warning" to which the man replied , "My wife ran off with a Highway Patrolman a couple years ago , I was afraid you was bringing her back " to which the Cop said , "Here's your warning ......"  -------------------- "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." "Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster"  |
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Jun 23 2007, 09:48 PM
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#107
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 "Bleepin' Aussie Addict" Group: Members Posts: 2,083 Joined: 14-October 06 From: SYDNEY-AUSTRALIA Member No.: 90,018 |
Good One.
 
--------------------  I once had a life.. now I have the Internet... |
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Jun 27 2007, 07:23 PM
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#108
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Distinguished Member Group: Members Posts: 843 Joined: 9-May 06 From: PCLinuxOS Land Member No.: 67,460 |
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them. Generally the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her. After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?" He hadn't and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing." Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. "Well,? Is she selling drugs?" she asked, excitement pouring out with her voice. "No, she's not." He said, enjoying this probably more than he should have. "Well,? What is it, then? What does she do?" his wife fairly shrieked. The man grinned and said, "She's a battery salesman." "A battery salesman?", cried the wife. "Yes," he replied, (are you ready for this?) "She sells 'C' cells by the sea shore!" -------------------- "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." "Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster" |
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 Jun 27 2007, 07:54 PM
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#109
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 Who is running the store? Group: Members Posts: 1,900 Joined: 26-November 05 From: Tampa Bay Area, Florida, USA Member No.: 42,052 |
 
--------------------  I know you think you understand what you thought I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant! |
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Jun 28 2007, 05:01 PM
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#110
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Distinguished Member Group: Members Posts: 843 Joined: 9-May 06 From: PCLinuxOS Land Member No.: 67,460 |
-------------------- "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." "Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster" |
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Jun 30 2007, 11:39 AM
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#111
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 Bleepin' Conundrum Group: Global Moderator Posts: 9,314 Joined: 26-April 04 From: 65 miles due East of the "Logic Free Zone", in Md, USA Member No.: 235 |
A Shaggy Frog Story
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager. Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says: "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?" The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone." (Loud groans permitted now) -------------------- |
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Jun 30 2007, 03:22 PM
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#112
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Bleepin' Conundrum Group: Global Moderator Posts: 9,314 Joined: 26-April 04 From: 65 miles due East of the "Logic Free Zone", in Md, USA Member No.: 235 |
Sign in a Multi-Mart Clerks window!
"If you are grouchy, irritable or just plain mean, there will be a $10 charge for my putting up with you." Below that it said in smaller print... "If I'm grouchy, irritable or mean, a $10 tip will sweeten me up!" I shoved my 40 rolls of pennies across the counter and said, "I just put $19.96 of gasoline in my car. Keep the change!" ------- -------------------- |
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Jun 30 2007, 07:51 PM
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#113
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 To INSANITY and BEYOND !! Group: Moderator Posts: 9,296 Joined: 10-September 04 From: NJ USA Member No.: 2,608 |
Good ones guys =thanx
-------------------- Can you spare some PC cycles to help FIND A CURE .. BC FOLDING TEAM Click me /info..
ThoughtVent a goodplace to discuss.<<>>>Staying Updated Calendar of Updates. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.... |
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Jun 30 2007, 08:12 PM
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#114
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Distinguished Member Group: Members Posts: 843 Joined: 9-May 06 From: PCLinuxOS Land Member No.: 67,460 |
QUOTE(boopme @ Jun 30 2007, 08:51 PM)  Good ones guys =thanx what he said
-------------------- "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." "Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster" |
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Jul 1 2007, 01:05 PM
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#115
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Distinguished Member Group: Members Posts: 843 Joined: 9-May 06 From: PCLinuxOS Land Member No.: 67,460 |
-------------------- "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." "Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster" |
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Jul 5 2007, 04:29 PM
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#116
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 SPAM Magnet Group: Global Moderator Posts: 13,805 Joined: 6-May 04 From: SW Louisiana Member No.: 363 |
This happened about a month ago just outside of Cocodrie, a little town in the bayou country of Louisiana , and while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's real.
This out of state traveler was on the side of the road, hitchhiking on a real dark night, in the middle of a thunderstorm. Time passed slowly, and no cars went by. It was raining so hard he could hardly see his hand in front of his face. Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly, approaching and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly and silently crept toward him, and stopped. Wanting a ride real bad, the guy jumped in the car and closed the door; only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel, and no sound of an engine to be heard over the rain. Again the car crept slowly forward and the guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out, and running. The guy saw that the car was approaching a sharp curve, and still too scared to jump out, he started to pray and begging for his life. He was sure the ghost car would go off the road, into the bayou, and he would surely drown! But, just before the curve, a shadowy figure appeared at the driver's window. A hand reached in, and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Then, just as silently, the hand disappeared through the window, and the hitchhiker was alone again! Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally, the guy scared to near death, had all he could take and jumped out of the car, and ran to town. Wet, and in shock, he went into a bar and voice quavering, ordered two shots of whiskey, then told everybody about his supernatural experience. A silence enveloped, and everybody got goose bumps, when they realized the guy was telling the truth (and not just some drunk). About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar, and one says to the other, "Look Boudreaux, ders dat idiot that rode in our car, when we wuz pushin it in the rain." -------------------- I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy, for the rest of your life. |
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Jul 5 2007, 07:43 PM
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#117
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Member Group: Members Posts: 24 Joined: 14-November 06 Member No.: 95,733 |
Here's a true story that y'all may find interesting:
Several years ago in my hometown, a deceased landowner's property came under investigation when it was found to have been last leased in 1989 to a man named Robert Thompson... one of the aliases used by none other than Jeffrey Dahmer. Police and FBI searched the premises, but found nothing of note....until they looked in the refrigerator. It's contents included a bowlful of noses, a moldy pie crust, and a bottle of pizza sauce. The only thing that investigators could ascertain was that he was trying to make a "Dahmer-nose" pizza. AND THERE YOU HAVE IT FOLKS....THE OFFICIAL WORLDS-WORST-JOKE!!! |
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Jul 5 2007, 08:21 PM
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#118
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Bleepin' Conundrum Group: Global Moderator Posts: 9,314 Joined: 26-April 04 From: 65 miles due East of the "Logic Free Zone", in Md, USA Member No.: 235 |
Juggler, that story is near crass, but it's so dang funny, I near wet myself.
I knew there was a couple of reason's I make my own pizza from - "scratch". (and the noses have nothing to do with it!) -------------------- |
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Jul 5 2007, 08:28 PM
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#119
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To INSANITY and BEYOND !! Group: Moderator Posts: 9,296 Joined: 10-September 04 From: NJ USA Member No.: 2,608 |
Real good one tg and yes juggler that was horribly FUNNY
-------------------- Can you spare some PC cycles to help FIND A CURE .. BC FOLDING TEAM Click me /info..
ThoughtVent a goodplace to discuss.<<>>>Staying Updated Calendar of Updates. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.... |
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 Jul 6 2007, 03:35 AM
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#120
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 Just enough info to be armed & dangerous... Group: Members Posts: 2,009 Joined: 18-March 06 From: St Kilda, Dunedin. South Island. NZ Member No.: 59,805 |
I reckon this has to be one of the worst. LOL
Waiter: "Tea or coffee, gentlemen?" 1st customer: "I'll have coffee." 2nd customer - showing off to his friend: "Me, too - and be sure the cup is clean!" Waiter leaves and returns with 2 cups. Waiter: "Two coffees gentlemen" then leaves. 5 minutes later Waiter rushes back to the table ... "Excuse me, I hope I got it right - which one of you asked for the clean cup?" -------------------- |
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