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 Jan 17 2007, 04:25 AM
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#226
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 aut viam inveniam aut faciam  Group: Members Posts: 3,510 Joined: 14-November 06 From: Ossendrecht/The Netherlands Member No.: 95,557  |
--------------------  Free antivirus : AVG Free Free Anti-spyware AVG Anti Spyware Free Firewall :Zone Alarm Ccleaner Ad aware & Manual SpybotS&D&Manual Free Handy programs |
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Jan 19 2007, 11:33 AM
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#227
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 To INSANITY and BEYOND !! Group: Moderator Posts: 9,266 Joined: 10-September 04 From: NJ USA Member No.: 2,608 |
importance of thank you notes...
Dear Tide: I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product. Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people. -------------------- Can you spare some PC cycles to help FIND A CURE .. BC FOLDING TEAM Click me /info..
ThoughtVent a goodplace to discuss.<<>>>Staying Updated Calendar of Updates. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.... |
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Jan 25 2007, 09:08 AM
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#228
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 "Bleepin' Aussie Addict" Group: Members Posts: 2,083 Joined: 14-October 06 From: SYDNEY-AUSTRALIA Member No.: 90,018 |
A blonde calls her husband on his cellphone.
Blonde: "I've got a problem!" Husband: "Tell me." Blonde: "I've just bought a puzzle, but I can't solve it!" Husband: "Is it that difficult?" Blonde: "Yes, I don't know where to start; all pieces look similar!" Husband: "What's the image on the cover of the box?" Blonde: "A red cock, but I really can't solve it." Husband: "Wait a minute, I'll be right there and we will solve it together!" ... A few minutes later the husband walks in. Husband: "And where is this puzzle of yours?" Blonde: "It's right her on the table..." Deep silence falls, and then a sigh... Husband: "Okay, we will do the following: you'll put all cornflakes back into the box and I'll forget the complete incident." --------------------  I once had a life.. now I have the Internet... |
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Jan 25 2007, 02:03 PM
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#229
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To INSANITY and BEYOND !! Group: Moderator Posts: 9,266 Joined: 10-September 04 From: NJ USA Member No.: 2,608 |
Good one
 Here's one,I guess especially for you DSTM (as an engineer) It's the French Revolution and beheadings are proceeding as usual... Today they're leading a priest, a drunkard, and an engineer up to the guillotine. They ask the priest if he wants to be face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest says that he would like to be face up so he will be looking toward heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. They take this as divine intervention and release the priest. Next the drunkard comes to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. So they release the drunkard as well. The engineer is next. He, too, decides to die facing up. They raise the blade of the guillotine and suddenly the engineer says "Hey! I see what your problem is." -------------------- Can you spare some PC cycles to help FIND A CURE .. BC FOLDING TEAM Click me /info..
ThoughtVent a goodplace to discuss.<<>>>Staying Updated Calendar of Updates. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.... |
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Jan 25 2007, 02:15 PM
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#230
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"Bleepin' Aussie Addict" Group: Members Posts: 2,083 Joined: 14-October 06 From: SYDNEY-AUSTRALIA Member No.: 90,018 |
Top One,Boopme.I can't stop laughing.
Probably what I would say also. 
This post has been edited by DSTM: Jan 25 2007, 02:20 PM -------------------- I once had a life.. now I have the Internet... |
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Jan 26 2007, 07:40 AM
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#231
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"Bleepin' Aussie Addict" Group: Members Posts: 2,083 Joined: 14-October 06 From: SYDNEY-AUSTRALIA Member No.: 90,018 |
Lawyer at the Pearly Gates
One day, a teacher, a garbage collector and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into an iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and decided to make the question a little harder, "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, "About 1,500." "That's right! You may enter." St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them." -------------------- I once had a life.. now I have the Internet... |
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Jan 26 2007, 07:44 AM
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#232
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aut viam inveniam aut faciam Group: Members Posts: 3,510 Joined: 14-November 06 From: Ossendrecht/The Netherlands Member No.: 95,557 |
  A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A beautiful girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not an atheist." Then, asks the teacher, "What are you?" "I'm a Christian." The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Lucy why she is a Christian. "Well, I was brought up knowing and loving Jesus. My mom is a Christian, and my dad is a Christian, so I am a Christian." The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?" She paused, and smiled. "Then," says Lucy, "I'd be an atheist." -------------------- Free antivirus : AVG Free Free Anti-spyware AVG Anti Spyware Free Firewall :Zone Alarm Ccleaner Ad aware & Manual SpybotS&D&Manual Free Handy programs |
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Jan 26 2007, 07:49 AM
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#233
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"Bleepin' Aussie Addict" Group: Members Posts: 2,083 Joined: 14-October 06 From: SYDNEY-AUSTRALIA Member No.: 90,018 |
There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas." When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas." After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"
-------------------- I once had a life.. now I have the Internet... |
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Jan 26 2007, 08:23 AM
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#234
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 **pixie in training** Group: Members Posts: 1,853 Joined: 13-November 06 From: Honolulu, Hawaii Member No.: 95,371 |
Don't know if this was already posted, threads too long to check!
 Here are some incredibly useful phrases you can use when in the workplace... If you don’t know what it is, call it an ‘issue’… If you don’t know how it works, call it a ‘process’… If you don’t know whether its worth doing, call it an ‘option’… If you don’t know how it could possibly be done call it a ‘challenge’ or an ‘exciting opportunity’… If you want to confuse people, ask them about ‘customers’… If you don’t know how to do something, ‘empower’ someone else to do it for you… If you can’t take decisions, ‘create space’ for others to operate… If you need a decision, call a ‘workshop’ to ‘network’ and ‘ground the issue’, followed by an ‘awayday’ to ‘position the elephant in the room’ and achieve ‘buy-in’… Never criticize or boast, call it ‘information sharing’… Never call something a failure or mistake, its a ‘positive learning experience’… Never argue, have an ‘adult conversation’… Here are some helpful ways to get along at the workplace... If you can’t get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights… A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt… Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted… It doesn’t matter what you do, it only matters what you say you’ve done and what you’re going to do… After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before… The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get… You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and wear a lab coat… Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day… When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves… If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it… There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office… Keep your boss’s boss off your boss’s back… Everything can be filed under “pending.”… Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour… To err is human, to forgive is not our policy… Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he/she is supposed to be doing… Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail… If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it… You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk… People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn’t… If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done… At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying… When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried… Following the rules will not get the job done… Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules… When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, “How would the Lone Ranger handle this?”… No matter how much you do, you never do enough… The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong… --------------------   I search for Sjogrens Syndrome Foundation...Who will you search for? |
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Jan 26 2007, 09:08 AM
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#235
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"Bleepin' Aussie Addict" Group: Members Posts: 2,083 Joined: 14-October 06 From: SYDNEY-AUSTRALIA Member No.: 90,018 |
I liked it so much,I printed it out in bold for my wifes office
-------------------- I once had a life.. now I have the Internet... |
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Jan 26 2007, 09:11 AM
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#236
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**pixie in training** Group: Members Posts: 1,853 Joined: 13-November 06 From: Honolulu, Hawaii Member No.: 95,371 |
QUOTE(DSTM @ Jan 26 2007, 04:08 AM)  I liked it so much,I printed it out in bold for my wifes office I just picked this one out of a hat!
-------------------- I search for Sjogrens Syndrome Foundation...Who will you search for? |
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Jan 29 2007, 05:43 AM
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#237
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aut viam inveniam aut faciam Group: Members Posts: 3,510 Joined: 14-November 06 From: Ossendrecht/The Netherlands Member No.: 95,557 |
Top 11 Reasons to Go to Work Naked
1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your butt in here by 8:00!" 2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan. 3. Inventive way to finally meet that hunk in Human Resources. 4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants." 5. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse. 6. You want to see if it's like the dream. 7. So that, with a little help from Muzak, you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume. 8. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them. 9. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk. 10. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning. 11. No one steals your chair. -------------------- Free antivirus : AVG Free Free Anti-spyware AVG Anti Spyware Free Firewall :Zone Alarm Ccleaner Ad aware & Manual SpybotS&D&Manual Free Handy programs |
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Jan 30 2007, 09:31 AM
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#238
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"Bleepin' Aussie Addict" Group: Members Posts: 2,083 Joined: 14-October 06 From: SYDNEY-AUSTRALIA Member No.: 90,018 |
How Clever is This?Must have taken ages to perfect.Enjoy.
http://www.flixxy.com/animusic-pipe-dream.htm -------------------- I once had a life.. now I have the Internet... |
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Feb 1 2007, 05:41 AM
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#239
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"Bleepin' Aussie Addict" Group: Members Posts: 2,083 Joined: 14-October 06 From: SYDNEY-AUSTRALIA Member No.: 90,018 |
Who wants one of these??????
What speed do you think he achieved? Has to be French. (Sound) http://www.flixxy.com/jet-man -------------------- I once had a life.. now I have the Internet... |
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Feb 1 2007, 06:39 AM
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#240
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 SPAM Magnet Group: Global Moderator Posts: 13,800 Joined: 6-May 04 From: SW Louisiana Member No.: 363 |
Thanks, DSTM.
I think you just found what I want for Christmas, next year. Hmmm, I wonder if in-line skates would work, for take-off, and landing?  QUOTE What speed do you think he achieved? These were the specs listed at the end of the video.Endurance (flight time): 5 minutes Speed Range: 120 - 300 kilometers per hour (74.56 - 186.41 miles per hour) Rate of Climb: 1000 feet per minute at 100 knots (1000 feet per minute at 115.0 miles per hour) This post has been edited by tg1911: Feb 1 2007, 06:52 AM -------------------- I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy, for the rest of your life. |
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