BleepingComputer.com: Forum Game: The Endless Story

He mocked everything I did. I then tried speaking his language, "Rydena tweedle de blopper moer se." Then he charged toward me violently. I ran into the closet and locked the door.......................

Good thing it was a walk-in closet. I flipped the light on and started working as quickly as I could. I changed into a nice evening dress. Grabbed a few strings of necklaces and threw them on. Slipped on a pair of high heels and reached up to the top shelf and found a wig. Checked my new looks in the full lengh mirror on the inside of the door and decided I was ready... I opened the door and as soon as it began the jibberish I looked it right in all three eyes and said "Honey, you'll have to take that up him. I don't know for the life of me What It Is You're Trying To Say" I pointed to the now dark closet and as soon as it made a move towards the door, so did I. The Other One. I'm OUTTA HERE! Exit stage left...

As I moved quickly down the street a car pulled along side me. The man inside asked if I needed a lift. I said yea and jumped into the car. A few minutes later as we drove down the road he informed me that he was an undercover cop and he was placing me under arrest for prostitution!

This post has been edited by Jaspossum: 09 September 2004 - 09:04 PM

I tried my line on him as he was putting the handcuffs on..."Honey, I don't know for the life of me What It Is You're Trying To Say" and kept it up all the way through the booking Sargent and the mugshot guy. To no avail. Finally in the cell, I could get those d**n high heels off! What a relief. Not for long, though. I wasn't alone in the cell. Just as things were going from bad to worse, the cell door opens and of all people who could walk in, ITS DUDLEY! The good looking guy.

But when I looked again, I didn't recognize him. In fact, I couldn't even remember anyone named Dudley. Very strange. Well, nothing of any particular importance happened for along, boring rest of the day. I finally made my phone call to a bailbondsman who came later and I was again a free man. With a court date scheduled and a serious need for a change of clothes. Running low on money, but what else was new? At least the green alien was only a memory. I found a thrift store nearby and suffered through the stares of the folks there long enough to find a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt...tennis shoes, a belt and before you knew it, I was back on the street. Destination: unknown.

I hadn't wandered along too far before I noticed a small sign in a storefront window. It had a arrow running across the bottom that curved at the lower righthand corner and pointed straight up. To the left of it, in big typewriter style letters it said "Bleeping Computer Chat Room" and below that "UPSTAIRS" Thinking I might be able to sit down and have a cup of coffee, maybe chat with some folks awhile and think about my uncertain future, I went in.

This post has been edited by phawgg: 11 September 2004 - 07:53 PM

It was a turn of the century hotel lobby. A dark mahogany, rounded off counter dominated the room. It looked kinda like an old bank's teller area, but without the iron cage bars. A few comfortable old sofas and overstuffed chairs were set about in front of a big fireplace, with an Oriental rug in the center. Nobody was here, though. I walked up to the marble topped counter and saw next to the brass tabletop bell a small sign.

"For your enjoyment & comfort we employ Pest Control in every room"

That's good, I thought. A staircase was off to the right, and a chandelier shed plenty of light on the carpeted steps. Pausing a bit longer, wondering if anyone would open a door and come out to help me, I decided to try upstairs.

At the top of the stairs I could look down a long hallway with doors on either side. Walking a little further I noticed a small brass plate about eye-level on the first door to the right. It was in the shape of a cartoon word balloon, and simply said "chat". I opened the door. There wasn't much furniture in the room. A large TV, a chair and a matching hide-w-bed from the looks of it. All of a sudden, there appeared an old man, from behind the opened door. "hello", he said in a weary voice, "I'm ChanServ and I'm always here" He extended his hand, and I politely shook it. "Pleased to meet you, I'm new here." "Why don't you just sit down and make yourself comfortable, Mr. Newhere. Noone will be along shortly" at which he slowly moved to the corner where he proceeded to stand quietly.

Thinking it sorta odd, sitting there for a while looking at a blank screen and an elderly gentleman who silently stood, dressed elegantly in a gray pin-striped suit, white heavily starched shirt, maroon tie and highly polished wing-tips, I wondered where Noone was. The door that I'd closed then opened slowly. In walks a young woman in a well tailored outfit. "You must be Noone", I cautiously ventured forth. "Yes, sorry to keep tou waiting" she said. "I'm not at my keyboard right now" I could imagine her sitting behind a desk somewhere. "No, it appears you are here alright. Should I be?" With that remark she smiled and went on, "Of course, this is a chatroom. I've been so busy with details. There are a bunch of HJT logs in the fireplace to attend to, thousands of digital streams of data to block, lots of incredible questions... you know, the typical daily routine." "Don't you have anybody to help you tend the fires, you know, keep up on those kinda things?" I asked not really knowin' what those kinds of things actually entailed. "Oh, yes, we have plenty of folks working on a whole wide array of projects, it's just that..." she turned her head slightly towards ChanServ who continued to be a remarkably silent butler-in-the-corner, "well, this room is usually vacant for some reason. In fact, the gentleman who generally comes and goes frequently, Grinler, has been held up at the Post Office for quite a long time of late." "I'm sorry to hear that, Noone, those postal employees have often reminded me of Microsoft & Dell customer service people." "Yes, so very hard to understand at times. They seem to be sending him on an endless wild goose chase. If you'd like to be patient for a while and sit here, I'm sure someone will be along in no time" With that, she smoothly turned away, glancing one last time at ChanServ, who it seems may have nodded slightly, and left.

I was just about to do the same, so I got up and walked towards the door when in walks a tall, strikingly beautiful woman. She had long blue-black hair, a purple face and white eyes. Her eyebrows alone went from coast to coast! I was stunned, speechless. My mouth mustta been five inches wide and I struggled to regain my composure...

This post has been edited by phawgg: 14 November 2004 - 12:09 AM

And then ........

She asked me "Are you here for the security seminar?" to which I , thinking quickly that an opportunity might just exist for some entertainment, replied "Ya' mean the one you were planning on attending?" Smiling, she said, "I think it must be down the hall". So I followed as she went back through the door. What a surprise. People everywhere, comin' up the stairs, standing talkin' in pairs, a line wrappin' around the corner at the end of the hall and I'm walking alongside a tall blue-black haired princess.

We finally get seated in a large conference room.
A well dressed guy steps up to the podium and fiddles with his clip-on collar mike.

"Good afternoon, and welcome to you all"
"My name is Aww Nurton and I represent the SimpleSimonSystemWorksSecuritySuite TechCorporation. How are you all?"
There is some awkward shuffling in the plastic-padded seats, kinds a a murmer and he continues...

"I've been working with the folks at what we like to call SimonTech for years now, bringing folks like you new and improved products at about the same pace as our
good buddies over at Microslosh have been dishin' out the patches". Several snickers and a few repressed laughs, and he goes on.
"From the beginning of the WideWorldNet we've been on to the hi-jinx of those dasterdly malicious HACKERS and we've come to understand their every move."
He sorta shifts his eyes around and rocks a little, putting his weight on first one leg then the other. Fixing his stare out at the big audience, he says "Tireless research in our spotless labs by dedicated workers has enabled us to become world leaders in the crusade to make the 'net a really fun place to shop & play". Polite applause and he produces a hand-held remote control. "Let's tour SimonTech for a bit, shall we?". As he begins the PowerPoint Presentation I'm begining to think, "do I have a choice?"
My thoughts begin to wander a little, towards wondering exactly how am I'm goin' find a way to engage the lovely lady next to me in some after-the-seminar dinner perhaps.

The first images displayed have been of charts & graphs with strange-name headings. Most I'm thinkin' would be good passwords at a forum site. It shocks me when he says "Some of you have no doubt been thinking of the support forums". "We have too, and it surprises us to think that people have actually met with satisfaction using 3-4 FREE programs instead of our SuppaDuppaAllInOne"and have mentioned so at these forums. "Each year we make it bigger, add more .exe's to startup, manage all aspects of computer tidiness from standing guard over the recycle bin to duplicating in the bat o' an eye each drive and the space between. We've got Doctors for disks, we've got Doctors for Win, nurses, too" at which he smiles & winks.

I sigh.

More Definitions of the Keyloggers follow, and I'm catchin' myself fantasizing about being on the white sand beachs of Key Largo with my new companion. Azure-tinted surf rollin' in, laughter of kids running around and pale white patches of clouds lazily floating above the pastural scene below. Jamaican Rum with a splash o' lime on the rocks being held close to my lips while I savor the smell of coconutnut-aloe suntan lotion.

The discussion seems to take a soberingly serious turn as most of the words I hear now remind me of pre-med lectures in college."...wide spread infections resulted. At the request of the Secretary Of Internal Affairs we opened the new Wing, immediatley innoculating millions of needy people...." and on to "Keeping with inflationary trends data and demographic survey findings we kept the price increase down to just $12.99 to our loyal customers . Isn't that amazing, folks?" Nods, more polite applause and from the back an enthusiastic voice says "we thank 'ya Nurt!"

Moving right along, "Nurt" introduces what he calls the WinTroj32Dropper, and I'm inescapeably thrown back, in my mind to the Wild West. Dust flyin', a WellsCargo Stagecoach is racing across the wide open praries. Masked gunmen at full gallop are wildly shooting as atop the jerking wooden carriage a valient atempt is being made to simultaneously control eight frightened horses and pump shotgun blasts in the general direction of the marauders. *Ka-blast, click-click**Ka-blast* My frustrated action being to aim the WinChester out the Window only to see it //Drop///!! as I hear the wail of my stagecoach companion clutching' her bonnet. Blinking rapidly and with a slight jerk I'm back.

"There you have it. Our corporation's unswerving commitment to serving your needs and those of all computer users everywhere. Thank you. Be sure and stop by the tables near the door to get your Discounted copies of the NWWWS2005. We're only limiting you to a dozen copies each, so remember those on your gift list" Resounding applause follows as he exits through a door off to the right. Wheww, I'm thinkin' ... what a show and then I feel a long eyebrow brush my cheek, turning I hear her silky voice "Aren't you glad we could take that in?" Before I could answer the Public Address System crackles and I hear "Ladies & gentlemen, your cooperation please. Mr' Nurton has left the building. Those who wanted autographs please refrain. For your convenience, a form is available at table 5". Inhaling deeply, I again turn to answer her....but shes gone!