 Do People Change Their Views And Values When They Have Children?, Do You Find Yourself becoming your Mother/Father? |
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 Jan 4 2008, 11:43 PM
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 New Member  Group: Members Posts: 9 Joined: 4-January 08 From: Beautiful Colorado! Member No.: 181,175  |
 I was the WILD Child of my family......the one who ALWAYS got into things and trouble. I did not become a parent until I was 30.......and on the day after my son was born........the wild child went up in a puff of smoke. The overwhelming realization that I now had the responsibility for another's life in MY hands caused me to completely rethink any and all things that I had ever done or professed to support or believe in. In the late 1970s I attended a Smoke In in Washington D.C for the legalization of Marijuana. In the mid 1990s I had completely done a turn around NEVER EVER wanting my son to see Pot much less smoke the stuff! Does this happen with all, nearly all, or only a small part of us? I find myself preaching the same morals and values that my parents preached to me 30 years ago. Are we all - or at least most of us-destined to become our parents in respect to having and raising children? 
-------------------- purplecatz
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Jan 6 2008, 12:58 AM
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#2
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 Distinguished Member Group: Members Posts: 791 Joined: 18-September 06 From: Nebraska Member No.: 86,034 |
I think everybody I know feels the same way, I too, was the wild one. My kids came out OK, now I worry about the grandkids. Especially with the way you are supposed to raise them. No dicipline because they say it's abuse.. But if you don't dicipline them they run wild, worse than I did.
So if you worry now, wait till the kids have kids....
-------------------- "We should forgive our enemies, but not before they are hanged."
Heinrich Hiene |
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Jan 6 2008, 06:14 PM
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#3
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 Forum Addict Group: Members Posts: 1,676 Joined: 2-April 06 From: British Columbia, Canada Member No.: 62,283 |
I burst into delighted laughter reading the 'egad, we've turned into our parent's' state of wonder - as yes, most of us do have the same reaction the moment we hold our first child. Stunningly frightening - and oh so wonderful - all at the same time!
We have our own worries, then have a child and then have both own worries and worries about our children - they have children and suddenly we have a triple set of worries. Sounds daunting but the trade-off is incredible  The one huge benefit of having been a 'wild' one as a kid? Our kids can pull very little 'wool over our eyes' as we've been there and already done it - huge laugh! -------------------- Never let your computer realize you are in a hurry or just typing the last few words of a vital document.
While outer events might make one happy or sad, happiness itself is entirely internal, and at all times completely within one's power. |
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 Jan 8 2008, 10:15 AM
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#4
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New Member Group: Members Posts: 9 Joined: 4-January 08 From: Beautiful Colorado! Member No.: 181,175 |
QUOTE(MaraM @ Jan 6 2008, 06:14 PM)  I burst into delighted laughter reading the 'egad, we've turned into our parent's' state of wonder - as yes, most of us do have the same reaction the moment we hold our first child. Stunningly frightening - and oh so wonderful - all at the same time! We have our own worries, then have a child and then have both own worries and worries about our children - they have children and suddenly we have a triple set of worries. Sounds daunting but the trade-off is incredible The one huge benefit of having been a 'wild' one as a kid? Our kids can pull very little 'wool over our eyes' as we've been there and already done it - huge laugh! DITTO......My children do rarely get away with anything..... If they think they have, generally it is only a matter of time before something slips or I get "a feeling". My observation of some of todays Younger parents (the under 25 set) is that many continue the way they were Before the baby came along.... I see NO change in their direction at all. I wonder if that is a better way to raise kids (certainly seems less stressful) or if Changing signifies something important that parents SHOULD have to go through?? Hard to tell at this point as the kids are still too young to see the development and growth. Case in point-tho I do hate to use a celebrity to illustrate-Britney Spears....... does not appear that her life changed in how she lived when her children came along. Her life mirrors so much of what I see in todays young parents....... -------------------- purplecatz
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Jan 8 2008, 10:22 AM
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#5
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New Member Group: Members Posts: 9 Joined: 4-January 08 From: Beautiful Colorado! Member No.: 181,175 |
QUOTE(Wildabeast @ Jan 6 2008, 12:58 AM) I think everybody I know feels the same way, I too, was the wild one. My kids came out OK, now I worry about the grandkids. Especially with the way you are supposed to raise them. No dicipline because they say it's abuse.. But if you don't dicipline them they run wild, worse than I did. So if you worry now, wait till the kids have kids.... YEP......Discipline certainly seems lacking in today's kids. I see WHO is running the house often......and it is NOT the parents. I have seen children between 4 and 10 do things to their parents that I was horrified at!! Hitting, kicking, etc. And the Parent involved? Talking quietly.....pleading......begging......promising........... Did the kids behavior change???? NOT A BIT! ALL OF THIS TOOK PLACE IN PUBLIC OR SEMI-PUBLIC PLACES!!!!! My thoughts in each case was OMG-if he/she is that bad NOW at 5/8/10....WHAT are you going to be dealing with at 13/14/17??? A kid with a gun? A kid who murders a parent in their sleep? I think that I would rather risk a charge of abuse than to allow the child to take or be in control........... -------------------- purplecatz
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Jan 11 2008, 09:05 AM
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#6
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 Distinguished Member Group: Members Posts: 814 Joined: 25-October 07 From: Sydney, AUSTRALIA :] Member No.: 165,216 |
Im only 14 but I don't ever see myself being a parent. Reason being is because Im a really difficult kid and I speak to my mother like crap, and the kid/s would probably being like me and you know what Id do to them if they treated me like that? Beat them sensless. well maybe not beat them.. But I wouldn't take it. especially since the next generation are probably going to be alot worse than this one.
-------------------- "People die of disease and accident. Death comes suddenly and there is no notion of good or bad. It leaves, not a dramatic feeling but great emptiness. When you lose someone you loved very much you feel this big empty space and think, 'If I had known this was coming I would have done things differently.' These are the feelings I wanted to arouse in the players with Aerith's death relatively early in the game. Feelings of reality and not Hollywood." - Yoshinori Kitase |
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Jan 11 2008, 04:17 PM
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#7
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Forum Addict Group: Members Posts: 1,676 Joined: 2-April 06 From: British Columbia, Canada Member No.: 62,283 |
Re: "...and I speak to my mother like crap".
Simply because you 'can'? -------------------- Never let your computer realize you are in a hurry or just typing the last few words of a vital document.
While outer events might make one happy or sad, happiness itself is entirely internal, and at all times completely within one's power. |
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Jan 11 2008, 05:14 PM
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#8
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Distinguished Member Group: Members Posts: 814 Joined: 25-October 07 From: Sydney, AUSTRALIA :] Member No.: 165,216 |
QUOTE(MaraM @ Jan 12 2008, 08:17 AM) Re: "...and I speak to my mother like crap". Simply because you 'can'? Not exactly. Its sort of a habbit I fell into. And Im not proud of it either -------------------- "People die of disease and accident. Death comes suddenly and there is no notion of good or bad. It leaves, not a dramatic feeling but great emptiness. When you lose someone you loved very much you feel this big empty space and think, 'If I had known this was coming I would have done things differently.' These are the feelings I wanted to arouse in the players with Aerith's death relatively early in the game. Feelings of reality and not Hollywood." - Yoshinori Kitase |
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Jan 11 2008, 05:36 PM
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#9
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Forum Addict Group: Members Posts: 1,676 Joined: 2-April 06 From: British Columbia, Canada Member No.: 62,283 |
Perhaps the secret to surviving the teenage years with one's parents is simply to believe - truly believe - that they are not a bit different than you are in so, so many respects. Honestly! Huge gentle smile. They are people, not just 'parents'
Wanna surprise your Mom and make her heart sing? Perhaps simply wake up tomorrow morning and think of her as a woman rather than your Mom - and speak to her as you wish to be spoken to? For you are sensitive and caring to realize there is a problem - wishing you the very best! -------------------- Never let your computer realize you are in a hurry or just typing the last few words of a vital document.
While outer events might make one happy or sad, happiness itself is entirely internal, and at all times completely within one's power. |
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Jan 11 2008, 06:17 PM
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#10
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Distinguished Member Group: Members Posts: 814 Joined: 25-October 07 From: Sydney, AUSTRALIA :] Member No.: 165,216 |
Aww thank you MaraM
-------------------- "People die of disease and accident. Death comes suddenly and there is no notion of good or bad. It leaves, not a dramatic feeling but great emptiness. When you lose someone you loved very much you feel this big empty space and think, 'If I had known this was coming I would have done things differently.' These are the feelings I wanted to arouse in the players with Aerith's death relatively early in the game. Feelings of reality and not Hollywood." - Yoshinori Kitase |
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Jan 11 2008, 08:43 PM
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#11
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New Member Group: Members Posts: 4 Joined: 30-November 07 Member No.: 173,526 |
QUOTE(Teenage.Zombiee @ Jan 11 2008, 10:14 PM) QUOTE(MaraM @ Jan 12 2008, 08:17 AM) Re: "...and I speak to my mother like crap". Simply because you 'can'? Not exactly. Its sort of a habbit I fell into. And Im not proud of it either I was a quiet child, I hit 14 & became the DEVILS DAUGHTER!    I was VILE to my Mom (mostly) and my Dad but not so much? When I look back to that time now I find it really painful to think how much I hurt her with every nasty word or action. Of course you don't think of it at the time or care - most kids don't, I'm sure you have your moments! ;) But now my parents are entering their last "stage" of life, the time you suddenly realise there's really not a lot of time left! I'm 37 with a 3yr old daughter & I have such huge regrets on how I treated my Mom back then & even though yrs after we all got over it, I will have to live with the memories for a long time to come! Teenage...Just chill out a bit & try being friends with your Mom cuz that's all she'll be wanting. You don't need to start hanging out with her (unless you want to) but I agree with Maram, just to speak to her as a human being is a good bridge to start building. You'll probably find you actually really like her & could have a good laugh. Only now do I understand just how much love Mom's have for their children, NEVER underestimate this, it's so immense that nothing else comes close. Make good memories for later...not regrets! I also hear my Mom when I'm disciplining my daughter & I'm glad! I know now, how good a job my Mom was "trying" to do with me & I will be attempting the exact same! Just hope my little one don't give me the same grief when she hits teens - TOO scarey!  "LIFE IS SHORT & YOU'RE A LONG TIME DEAD"!! |
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Jan 12 2008, 01:35 AM
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#12
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Distinguished Member Group: Members Posts: 814 Joined: 25-October 07 From: Sydney, AUSTRALIA :] Member No.: 165,216 |
QUOTE(3mily @ Jan 12 2008, 12:43 PM) QUOTE(Teenage.Zombiee @ Jan 11 2008, 10:14 PM) QUOTE(MaraM @ Jan 12 2008, 08:17 AM) Re: "...and I speak to my mother like crap". Simply because you 'can'? Not exactly. Its sort of a habbit I fell into. And Im not proud of it either I was a quiet child, I hit 14 & became the DEVILS DAUGHTER! I was VILE to my Mom (mostly) and my Dad but not so much? When I look back to that time now I find it really painful to think how much I hurt her with every nasty word or action. Of course you don't think of it at the time or care - most kids don't, I'm sure you have your moments! ;) But now my parents are entering their last "stage" of life, the time you suddenly realise there's really not a lot of time left! I'm 37 with a 3yr old daughter & I have such huge regrets on how I treated my Mom back then & even though yrs after we all got over it, I will have to live with the memories for a long time to come! Teenage...Just chill out a bit & try being friends with your Mom cuz that's all she'll be wanting. You don't need to start hanging out with her (unless you want to) but I agree with Maram, just to speak to her as a human being is a good bridge to start building. You'll probably find you actually really like her & could have a good laugh. Only now do I understand just how much love Mom's have for their children, NEVER underestimate this, it's so immense that nothing else comes close. Make good memories for later...not regrets! I also hear my Mom when I'm disciplining my daughter & I'm glad! I know now, how good a job my Mom was "trying" to do with me & I will be attempting the exact same! Just hope my little one don't give me the same grief when she hits teens - TOO scarey! "LIFE IS SHORT & YOU'RE A LONG TIME DEAD"!! Thank you 3mily Its nice to see some nice people on a forum who don't go telling you how much a horrible person you are
-------------------- "People die of disease and accident. Death comes suddenly and there is no notion of good or bad. It leaves, not a dramatic feeling but great emptiness. When you lose someone you loved very much you feel this big empty space and think, 'If I had known this was coming I would have done things differently.' These are the feelings I wanted to arouse in the players with Aerith's death relatively early in the game. Feelings of reality and not Hollywood." - Yoshinori Kitase |
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Jan 12 2008, 09:56 AM
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 Who is running the store? Group: Members Posts: 1,944 Joined: 26-November 05 From: Tampa Bay Area, Florida, USA Member No.: 42,052 |
QUOTE(Teenage.Zombiee @ Jan 12 2008, 01:35 AM) Thank you 3mily Its nice to see some nice people on a forum who don't go telling you how much a horrible person you are I agree - most excellent post 3mily. Very good response to 3mily's response, TZ. *continues to hide brain from zombie* --------------------  I know you think you understand what you thought I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant! |
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Jan 12 2008, 03:24 PM
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#14
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Forum Addict Group: Members Posts: 1,676 Joined: 2-April 06 From: British Columbia, Canada Member No.: 62,283 |
Whoever came up with that silly saying about "school age being the best years of your life" - egad and a huge boo and hiss to them. For being a teenager takes masses of courage in itself. Not only is there the struggle to 'flap our wings' and fly free, there's fears and challenges and lots of them!
We, as adults, have (at least in theory) the freedom to make all our own decisions - but in reality, most of us aren't that much different than teenagers in many ways. Still the fears and doubts, ust more experienced and usually a bit taller and with wrinkles looming on the horizon. And the physical and emotional responsiblity when having a child is truly mind-boggling - eep! For, in the midst of all the love and excitement, there is a really old saying that applies - something like, "Having a child takes courage as forever more your heart lives outside your own body". There is no such thing as a 'perfect' child - anymore than there is a perfect parent - and if there were one, he or she would be scary indeed! Huge gentle smile. -------------------- Never let your computer realize you are in a hurry or just typing the last few words of a vital document.
While outer events might make one happy or sad, happiness itself is entirely internal, and at all times completely within one's power. |
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Jan 12 2008, 08:12 PM
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#15
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Distinguished Member Group: Members Posts: 814 Joined: 25-October 07 From: Sydney, AUSTRALIA :] Member No.: 165,216 |
QUOTE *continues to hide brain from zombie* Relax I dont eat brains ;) 
-------------------- "People die of disease and accident. Death comes suddenly and there is no notion of good or bad. It leaves, not a dramatic feeling but great emptiness. When you lose someone you loved very much you feel this big empty space and think, 'If I had known this was coming I would have done things differently.' These are the feelings I wanted to arouse in the players with Aerith's death relatively early in the game. Feelings of reality and not Hollywood." - Yoshinori Kitase |
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